Profile of a Land Cruiser

Note: This is to be taken lightly and not as an accusation to Land Cruiser owners.

The Land Cruiser, scientifically named Toyolandus Fourbyfourcruiserum, is a species that belongs to the Machina kingdom. It is found universally, although it is more concentrated in the Gulf region and displays significantly different behavior from other Land Crusiers found worldwide.

Physical Appearance

The Land Cruiser belongs to the Machina SUV subkingdom and has an overall body resemblance to other Machina SUV. It features a long neck, with a broad face and aggressive eyes yet a gentle grill. The main body is often rectangularish, most often having tinted instead of regular windows. The rear of the Land Cruiser is often fat and bulky, but this is largely used for protection.

Social Behavior

The Land Cruiser has a wide range of behavior, but it is often characterized as annoying, stubborn and aggressive. This is espacially true when the Land Cruiser is confronted with lower Machina subkingdoms, but is also likely to display those behavioral patterns on other Machina SUVs.

The Land Cruiser always likes to have its way, and acts as though the path it is walking on is owned by the Land Cruiser. Hence, any other Machina in front of the Land Cruiser may be be prone to aggressive behavior. It is found that the Land Cruiser first “flashes” the unsuspecting prey by shooting Xenon powered beams at it. If unsuccessful, the enraged Land Cruiser may use a “bumper to bumper” approach, with it viciously approaching the other Machina, threatening the other Machina’s security. If the other Machina does not respond, the Land Cruiser can choose a different path and overtake the other Machina, thereafter slowing down in a threatening pose to the now-behind Machina. If the other Machina displays aggression, the Land Cruiser may come to a halt, where a battle commences between the Machina’s in physical and verbal forms.

Social Positions and Behavioral Correlations

The Land Cruiser is socially regarded as an upper class Machina, and therefor it expects that all other Machina succumb to its tyres. However, it has been noted that the behavior of the Machina changes as the Machina code (or license plate number) changes. Typically, Land Cruisers with a larger number display less aggressive behavior, with a few exceptions. Land Cruisers with a very low number (3 significant figures or less) display a far less aggressive behavior and are usually peaceful, unless threatened or are on a mission. Even in those situations, they are usually stubborn rather than aggressive, as they just want to get a specific job done.

The most dangerous Land Cruisers are the mid-ranged numbers. They are, in Machina terms, “young adults” and would display a large range of erratic behaviors.


The Land Cruisers does not have any predators in its class, however it only has one competitor, typically a Nissan Patrol (Nissanus Fourbyfourpatrolium). It does not typically pose a threat to the Land Cruiser, however, the two present on the same lane can spell disaster for other Machina.

Closing Comments

Make way. Don’t mess with the Land Cruiser.