Oddball of a World vol.10 – On Sex Dolls, Fruit Helmets, Geek Flirts, Videogames & Rubber

Breaking a bit from the tragic news on TV, let’s check out some of the odd things that have been happening around the world! Titles are links.

The Sex Doll Incident

It is exactly like it sounds like. This poor sexually frustrated chap has been breaking into sex toy stores, stealing blow up sex dolls, inflating them in the alley, doing his business and leaving them there. That must be one hot and expensive doll.

Using the Whole Fruit

This reminded me of my university, (and sometimes my office) when they enforce a rule and do everything in their power for you to NOT follow it. It’s a nice way to make quick money. So in Nigeria is a new rule that dictates people to wear helmets when cycling, biking etc. The catch is that they’re too expensive for the population. So the people sported novelty helmets made out of fruit shells and pots. And they get fined for wearing such helmets.

Gleirt 101

I coined this term. Brilliant isn’t it? Geeks can now attend flirting courses where they are taught how to approach the elusive gender and woo them. You’d think that these geeks would have already found pick up lines websites by now.

Videogames to Recruit

Now this is just insulting to us gamers! Desperate for manpower, the US military (talk about such a publicity stunt) is now seducing the average plumber to join the army by having them play war-based videogames and simulated assaults. Such a shame, really. If you ever mention that Hamas is doing this for training the whole world would be up in flames denouncing such an atrocity.

Grandma Not Rubbery Enough

Not everyone likes everyone else in the family, but to decide to steal your grandmother’s money is something else. I mean, it’s a grandma. Granpas I understand :P but grandmas are a big no-no. This dope had his girlfriend disguise herself in latex and attempt to withdraw from the bank a huge amount of money (that’s one rich grandma). Too bad the bank worker was intelligent and called up the actual grandma to learn she was visiting someone else.

Oddball of a World vol.7 – On Your Boss, Squirrels, Cell Phones, Clean Thieves, Lipstick and Godzilla

BAD BOSSES GET PROMOTED

According to studies, it appears that the only reason your boss gets promoted is because he/she/it makes your life miserable. No wonder behind every desk is either an asshole or a potential suicidal.

SQUIRRELS LOVE CHOCOLATE TOO

It seems a bit far fethced, but it looks like humans are not the only ones who would kill for a chocolate. Although this squirrel hasn’t killed anyone – yet – it gained notorious publicity for stealing Kinder from grocery shops at LEAST twice a day. Talk about a sweet tooth!

PLEASE TURN ON YOUR CELL PHONES

From now on ignore “turn off mobile” warning signs everywhere, as they have proved to be handy yet again in a hospital in Argentina, where doctors were able to carry out an operation during a blackout thanks to cellphone lights.

THE CLEAN THIEF

And you though I was a clean addict. This thief broke into a house, went straight to the toilet where he had sexual intercourse with cleaning detergents and the vacuum cleaner.

LOVING IN THE WRONG WAY

You love art, right? Try not to kiss a $2 million painting to show your affection – while wearing red lipstick.

MUST DESTROY GODZILLA

Since Japanese politicians have perfected everything in their beloved country, it is now time to tackle the real issues. Flying saucers and how they fly and the imminent Godzilla rampage.


Oddball of a World vol.6 – On Pedophiles, Gas, Prison, Go-Karts & Teachers

PEDOPHILE WORKS IN KINDERGARTEN

Alright, you captured, finally, the pedophile, and you sentenced him for community services. You look at his profile and think, Hmmm, now where is the best place to put this person so he can have a comfortable working environment?! Gee! Let’s put him as a janitor in a kindergarten!

MAN FORGETS CAR IN GAS STATION

How many times, when you fill in the gas, you go to the mini mart and buy yourself a nice soda or some chips? Perhaps some prepaid? Or a magazine? When you go out you surely return to your car, right? Not this man… he walked right out and all the way home.

SERIAL JAIL-BREAKER ON THE LOOSE

Prisonbreak at its best, this guy has escaped prison four times already. You’d think they’d learn by now how to confine him properly.

GO-KART ALL THE WAY

Speaking of escapes, here is an innovative way to escape the cops: A go-kart. Huh? You may ask… but it is logical. They’re small, agile, and can turn sharp corners. You’d outrun any police vehicle without much effort. Just make sure you know where to park it next time if you’re not planning to get caught….

SUPER TEACHERS!! RUN AWAY!

You may need a go-kart for this one. Super teachers, a new breed of teachers who defy all the rules set by schools. No more naughty corners, no more letting people write “I am sorry” a 100 times and submit it. No no… I am talking about super violent teachers here. Ones that throw desks and chairs at their students. WHAT you may say? It is actually proven that they form better-disciplined students. Hmm!


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Oddball of a World vol.4 – On Odd Women

Women.

They’re horrible creatures who we men have to live with. They force us to put the toilet seat cover down, to aim properly, to read maps, to be on time, and to last with them for hours. Then they expect us to give them money for it, give them a house and car and jewels, and all this stupid cuddling crap.

But some other women settle for other things, like the following. Click on the titles to be magically transported to the main article.

WOMAN ARRESTED OVER BODY PARTS IN FRIDGE

Tired of your husband? Dispute over the house? Easy solution: If he wants the house, he can keep it. Chop him into 11 pieces and put him in the fridge, then sell the house. You kept the money and he kept the house. Brilliant!

EVEN IN DEATH WE WON’T PART

So you don’t really hate your husband, you love him too deeply. Solution? After he dies, keep the body with you at home. For years. Don’t forget to occasionally remove the worms attempting to eat him.

DON’T ONLY KEEP DEAD HUSBANDS – KEEP YOUR FAMILY TOO

So your family memebers also eventually die off. You can’t possibly arrange funerals all the time right? It is financially difficult plus not keeping them at home makes you feel alone in the world. But, hey, Egyptians keep the dead intact right? So why not pull it off at your home too. Mummify and keep the corpses. Happy family!


OMG A THIEF!!

Or is it? Apparently this woman needs glasses, as she thought that a stuffed teddy bear in the car is actually a thief, who, strangely, remained still until police arrived.

OMG A THIEF 2!!!

Not all women are idiots when it comes to thieves, like this grandma. A guy wants to steal her car – being an old woman of course – but he is taken by surprise as she karate’s him into the car and locks him inside until the police come.

YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?

Husbands are annoying creatures. Ex-husbands are even more annoying! Seriously they get on everyone’s nerves. Time to teach him a lesson: Set his most valuable body part on fire. That should do it!

WOMEN AND MEN ARE EQUAL

For men and women to be equal, the same rule must apply to both, right? So we find it strange when this woman, who wants to enroll herself in one of those bull marathons, orders that the bulls be replaced by cows.

Now to be fair, next issue will be about Odd Men :P



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Oddball of a World vol.3

Good Monday!

Who hates Mondays? We all do. Actually Sundays in this part of the world. But in any case, here is some absurd news that made headlines to cheer you up.

The Gods Have Accepted Your Sacrifice

So you own an airline company and one of your planes has always been jinxed, troubled beyond trouble and might get into the Wikipedia as one of those (if not the most) malfunctional pieces of equipment ever created by man. Yet you’d lose business if it doesn’t fly, and if it does fly you’d lose people. And you don’t have the money to fix it. What a pickle! So what do you do? Simple: Sacrifice two goats to please the sky gods and everything will be fine. Although you might be laughing now, it actually worked. Talk about supernatural powers of goats!

So We Fixed the Plane, Why the DELAY?

Assuming you have a proper plane, you get another problem on your hands: The passengers. No no, not those who arrive last minute, but the ones who want to shuffle seats. I mean, everyone does that, right? Well it appears that the person in question had too many relative females who are seated next to unknown men. Gee, and I thought on a plane everyone knew the other! Three hours later the guy and his infinite number of female relatives got off the plane and all the other passengers missed their connecting flights.

Hello? Paris?

To many people this is a curse, but to one particular person it was amusing. They inherited Paris Hilton’s number. Swell.

What People Do To Avoid Paying Tax

So tax is a big thing apparantly. Here in the Middle East we don’t worry about such things of course, since everything is overpriced by default anyway. However this Japanese woman thought of a brilliant idea: Use your relative’s names so that the government thinks your income is negligible and avoid tax. Thankfully her fine was only a margin of what she made out of her 60-year plot, which is amusing in and of itself.


What People Do To Avoid Paying Retail

It is a simple thing, really, when you don’t want to pay for an item. You just shoplift it, right? Experienced shoplifters (read: Brits) can live for years without any sort of income but live a high-end life with LCD HDTVs, a full supply of groceries and probably even borrowed children. What these shoplifter should teach the new generation is that, when you steal, please don’t go back to the store and ask for an exchange.

I Am Bored. Let’s Save A Shark!

You’re a bored lifeguard. You hear a commotion. Certainly, there must be a problem. Someone drowning. You run to the location and you see people frantically trying to escape a shark. What do you do? Save the shark!