Moogle Thoughts Issue #9 – Solving the Water Crisis

Ah! Free at last! This ridiculous, sad, pathetic excuse of a living organism called KJ should be tied to the back of Bugatti and driven around town until he catches fire from the friction. Why a Bugatti? Cuz Moogle kills people in style, of course! I have a rep to keep, you know.

I shall then put the Bugatti on sale using a site created by Qwaider. We all know of his vile evil plans to leech money out of your clicks, so an extra penny will help. The money raised during this “charitable” giveaway will be used to fund my project as outlined below.

Now, for proprietary reasons, I shall formalize the plan according to MOGRI-9019 standards. Morgri the Great is our legendary leader, founder of the Moogles, who got assassinated when he betrayed our clan by fornicating with a pet bunny raised by humans. So you can understand my resentment to KJ.

mogri-the-great1

Mogri the Great, now available in all stores

MOGRI-9019 Case# 261751: Water Crisis Solution Using the Mogrinton Cauldron to Instantiate Invasion Phase III Outlined by Mortigle 001992-128193.

There! Now that I have met the MOGRI-9019 standards I shall proceed with the elaboration.

As you all know, you humans use a lot of water and waste most of it. Seriously. Except for KJ, who calculates the amount of water he consumes so that his bill always comes out as 250 AED every month.

While of course, getting rid of humans is our ultimate goal, starting with KJ, it is in our best interest to aid you in your quest to solve the water crisis. So here is our solution:

water-powder-zoom

You might be puzzled, of course, for your brain capacity is beyond nanoscropic. What you see above is water powder.

Indeed! What a marvellous creation! Water concentrate from water! All you need to do is, put a bit of the powder in the cup, add a tablespoon of liquid water and you are presented with litres upon litres of fresh goodness! In fact, our experiments have shown that 3 kilograms of the powder can fill up a swimming pool with unchlorinated water! This also works very well with my solution to solve global warming.

ocean_hope_1440x900

according to Mogrithology, the Mogrinton Cauldron was used by Mogri the Great to fill Mogripolis with water

So you must be interested in how it works, well, it is quite ingeniously simple really!

All that is required is to heat water to impossible degrees, preferrably between 4028 – 5210 celcius, without it evaporating. Revealing how this is done publicly will foil the plan and render any revenue null. A simpler and much less effective alternative is to heat the water until evaporation, and sprinkle baby powder into the vapors, thereby retaining some of the water in powder form. Of course using such mechanisms may alter the water’s taste and properties so use cautiously.

mogrinton-couldron

the Mogrinton Couldron as presented in Secret Files 9281-211 v2.3

Ah! So here you have it, the power to save the world is in these water powder crystals. Safe, dermatoligically proven and certified by all types of standards!

BUT, there is another way, another more effective way. Unfortunately it will consume lots of time, delaying the Invasion. But, we can use stem cell research to tamper with your genes in such a way to reverse the properties of osmosis, and through years of evolution you can just dip yourself in the sea for a drink.

But that would simply prolong KJ’s existence, and no one wants that, right?

Moogle Thoughts Issue #8 – The Infidel and the Dermatologist

Finally! It’s here!

But… wait! Where is it?!

Well before I give it to you:

What you’re about to see is a mockup. In otherwords, all the content, is by ME. So yes, I get to butcher lots of people here :P But it’s dedicated to our one and only HANI.

Remember! The “chatbox” is to be read bottoms-up!

Remember! It was written with LOVE! Nothing to be offended about!

So go ahead and ENJOY! >>>>>>>> CLICK HERE!

And don’t forget to comment on this post :P

Excuse me!

You must have noticed my absence.

If not, imbeciles!

I don’t need your pardon of course, but I’m quite swarmed with stuff at the moment and I have litte brain cells to spare – so I spend my brain cell leftovers reading “You Can Be Happy No Matter What” (as if I need someone to teach me psychology) concurrently with “Samarkand“.

And the other spare time I spend on weekends (given all my friends left town / got fired|laid off and left town / having exams / busy with their wives|girlfriends|fiances) is utilized by finishing up the stack of pending games. One of them is positively gory.

Not to mention am taking night classes three times a week 6:30 – 10:30.

And two weeks from now am going to Syria for another week to spend Eid with my family.

I cram my days a lot right?

Sooooooooooo as you can see I have little time to see if you passed your exams or have emptied your closets or had babies or killed said babies or are bitching about some browser privacy issues or contemplating the demise of the universe or having religious fevers or discussing Middle East prospects or debating Arabic music or feeling sad for the hungry and poor while Dubai has the extravagant opening to Atlantis hotel or posting the 20 year old email stating the differences between males and females or idolizing Michael Jackson or wondering what’s going on with Syrian blogs or or or.

BUT!

The good news is that the next issue of Moogle Thoughts is 70% done (yes it’s that much effort, Hani) and it should be out before I leave to Syria (so I can read your comments of course). So stay tuned!

Or not…

But I know you will.

I mean.

It’s Moogle ^_^

pata

Moogle Thoughts Issue #7 – On Qwaider’s Wedding

Them fiends!

I swear I will just curl up into a fluff ball and sell myself as a fluffy keychain so that Mr Qwaider purchases me as a cute little thing for Mrs Qwaider and I just fart in their car!

Ahem

So here I speak on behalf of all the kupolings (ie bloggers) who do not have the required Kupo Nuts to do this :D

Yes yes I am to imbecilize Mr and Mrs Qwaider.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I will be Mrs Qwaider for a minute cuz KJ told me I should always imbecilize women first.

Mrs Qwaider Posting as Mrs Qwaider Post #3992364

OMG OMG OMG we like went to this uber uber super duper cute cute omg picnic (ie we BBQed in our backyard) and Samer yo2bor 6ooly inshalla ilahi ma ye7remni minnak ya ro7 el 3dam elli maskeh albi ya albi albi inte ya nafas ro7i elli ma kan 3ayesh mn doonak elahi ya 7a2 lk inshalla sadljfblakshfdbp24qi24897edgfpiyagfu sdfij hsdafpioushed 2397d yc (ie people stopped reading and skipped to comments to see what this is about)

Comments:

SomePerson says:
Lek inshalla alf mabrook ya rub (ie ok this is like the 3992364th time I tell you mabrook um it is hard to be the first commenter!)

SomeOtherPerson says:
Awww BBQ how sweeeeeeeeeet! (ie I used MS Word to summarize the content)

YetAnotherPerson says:
Hey sa7teeeeeeeeeeeeeein I make BBQ sauce like this (with recipe)

SomePerson says:
Lek 3eib ya Samer help her out with BBQ (now that I read SomeOtherPerson’s comment and knew what this is about)

Qwaider says:
7abeebet albi lek inshalla Allah ma y7remni mennek ya 7a2 w ya reit [copy paste half of Mai’s post here]

KJ says:
Samer strap on a pair and BBQ for once. Mai, next time he doesn’t BBQ throw his Xbox out (note this is like the 3992364th time I say it)

Maher says:
LOOOOOOOOOL! (um, oh hai!)

[the end]

Ah yes love at its finest :D

But fret not, fiendlings! For Moogle is not done yet. Noe Noe – Samer is to be imbecilized NEXT! Right after these messages:

يمكنكم الآن متابعة مسلسل “ميوش” على
MBC+
الرجاء الاتصال على
800-bikaffy-3ad

Samer Posting as Mr Qwaider Live From the Wedding (har har har! I has a marridg!)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I will blog from my wedding! We are ADDICTED! (rather, you’re all stupid enough not to grasp the concept of SCHEDULED POSTS!!!!). HAHA! See how excited I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been training ALL MY LIFE for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By posting hundreds of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marks in every sentence in every post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a matter-of-factly as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now since all of you are sorry singles, I will teach you how to perform your JAHA! Cuz am Qwiader and my way is TEH way! And you SHOULD have wedding crashers! Part of the EXPERIENCE! It was AWESOME! Oh and don’t forget my upcoming MOVIE PREVIEW (of course we watched movies during my wedding!): You’re All Jealous Especially You KJ (2008-ad-infinitum)

KJ Made Fun of on Air… AGAIN!

Every day whilst stuck in the morning traffic I listen to my favorite radio show (Neal & Vicky in the Morning) and participate in lots of contests.
If not participating I bombard them with SMSes with Moogle jokes and they crack up with honorable mentions of Moogle on air (yes Dubai knows of Moogle LOL!)

While usually I am the person making fun of them, today tables turned against me (again) and I was made fun of on air! OMG! LOOL!

This time it was mild, I will post the other one later…

So today I called for this contest called Cash Builder… where basically you guess a 5 digit number and if you got it right you win the cash. For the past couple of weeks I was having good luck getting through the lines, and the previous time the contest ran I started with the first number with 77777 and said this time it will be lucky – and lo and behold, 18 days later when the number was finally guessed the cash reached 733 dollars (2700 AED) – the HIGHEST ever reached!

And Moogle started it! WOOHOO!

So today I called and he said: “It’s Kinan right? How can someone miss your soothing voice?”

grrr

OK I KNOW that I sound like a smoking goat thanks to the Tom/Bob Incident, bas don’t rub it in my face :'(

LOOL!

I know his weak point though – he’s on a strict diet and he is forbidden to eat anything sweet.

So I will be sending him a chocolate mousse cake this week. mihmhimihmih