Movie Review: Crossing Over

I believe I am cursed when it comes to movies. Having abandoned the theatres a long time ago in favor of books and videogames with a solid story that captivates you from leaf to leaf – or in case of videogames, from battery recharge to discharge – I have become overly skeptical about watching “mainstream” movies.

Crossing Over reinforced the above.

The movie attempts, rather valiantly, to tackle the issue of immigrants to the US. It might, might, hit home with some of the immigrants who successfuly got “naturalized” and have become residents of the Land of the Free. But the movie fails miserably in delivering anything remotely coherent, and the only form of consistency found is a continually elevated sense of boredom as the film progresses.

Crossing Over

The so many main characters in the film are shameless stereotypes of the sort of people who would love to migrate to the US. You have the honorable Japanese with their rebellious son trying to blend in by resorting to gangs and violence. You have the hot Australian supermodel who has sex with the department chief to get the green card at her boyfriend’s expense. You get the Pakistani family who honor-kills their daughter which brings shame to the family. You have the Muslim Afghan people who have to be deported, and all their scenes are a sobfest. You have the Mexican who left her life of poverty to work in some factor. And, the coupe de grace of the whole sad plot is the Jewish teacher who does not follow Judaism but made it through and convinced Americans he is a wannabe Rabbi because a fellow older Rabbi-and-American-citizen confirmed he recited the Holy Scripture accurately to – no surprise – the dumb African American at the naturalization department.

Crossing Over

If you’re the sort of people who feel obliged to sit through two hours to watch such crap because you paid for it, then stop this bullshit and leave the theatre. Life’s too short to waste on crap – be it movies or books or games or clubs or friends or outings – and consider it a 10 dollars well spent on buying yourself the choice of not watchingt his stupidity.

Or you can pay me that amount, as I have watched it in whole and summarized the whole thing in the big paragraph above. I certainly saved you precious time!

Side Note: due to “obscene” scenes in Watchmen – particularly the last 20 minutes – the movie is heavily censored in the UAE and is now dubbed “The Mysterious Case of the Missing Blue Penis“. If I review it, rest assured I would have seen the whole uncensored movie, somewhere, some other time.