Too Optimistic?

I thought I was perceived as a pessimist when I was younger, when in fact I was just cautious because of my worrying habits. Now, it seems that people see me as too cheerful for my own good!!!

Is it wrong to smile for no reason? Is it wrong to try to look at the better side of things? Is it wrong to acknowledge there is more to a day than traffic and work and stupid news and war and people being kidnapped and raped and new stupid toll gates being installed?

Is it wrong to appreciate the taste of food, the rejuvenation of drinking water, the comfort of being in an air conditioned room when a sandstorm brews outside?

It seems like it!!! I am too optimistic at times – call it naive call it whatever, I don’t give a shit!

But don’t come and try to depress me about it!

Today they succeeded in pissing me off and depressing me, because especially today I was vulnerable to such attacks!

But when the day ended and I got myself a nice new comfortable mattress, all that went away! Why? Cuz I felt that after this shitty day (week) I could finally have a good night’s sleep! Regardless of what tomorrow brings!

And while going OCD on a drawer I found not one but TWO صابون غار (bay leaves soap) which made my day cuz the aroma intoxicates me!

Right now I am relaxed, so I shouldn’t be mad at what happened today and I shouldn’t worry about tomorrow or the fact that I need to take a dump and drink water cuz I am very thirsty!

I am in the now and this is what I should worry about!

So for the love of all that you love, try to smile! Really! What’s wrong! I won’t be a hypocrite, I DO get upset and angry and frown, but not ALL the time and certainly NOT when someone is trying to cheer me up!

A Moment to Reconsider

You have your own house with a lawn, or an apartment on a high rise, you have proper windows, proper doors, you feel safe… you have lots of clothes and you have a washing machine, with a dryer too.

You have brand new shoes, a brand new car, a brand new career… you have your diploma(s) on your wall, you have your Certification of Ass Kissing, you have your everything in your bank account on a small plastic card.

Question: Are you smiling?

Two Seashells

The lit moon, a topaz pendant in the sky.
And sparkled on the ocean below its dye.

The rising tide, swiftly addressed the shore.
And brought with it the currents from Amore.

The little seashell, carried away by time.
And sang a hollow melody out of rhyme.

The receptive shore, from home in distant lands.
And a sanctuary and grave in its sands.

The bigger seashell, slept sound in the sands’ womb.
And yet it was empty and felt like a tomb.

The Destiny’s threads, drawing two worlds by ends.
And a new future is weaved with cotton friends.

The two seashells, united under the warm carpet sky.
And together sang as the moon sparkled below its dye.

A topaz pendant
In the sky
Swiftly addressed
The shore.

Carried away by time from
Home in distant lands,
Slept sound in the
Sands’ womb.

Drawing two worlds by ends,
United under the warm carpet sky;

The lit moon,
The rising tide,
The little seashell,
The receptive shore,
The bigger seashell,
The Destiny’s threads.

The two seashells.

13 JUN 2005
live the illusion of memories or live in the forgotten?

 

End of Days

I sit in a 3×3 room; a Toshiba 60″ plasma hangs on the wall, beneath it is an IP Phone that proudly screams CISCO Systems. It is not blinking; there are no new messages.A big, round table made of birch wood is in the middle, surrounded by 4 gray chairs. The carpet is stained with spilled coffee, tea, and orange juice – the latter two of which I had contributed heavily to.

In the corner of the room is a steel dustbin. In it lies 6 empty bottles of Oasis water. The wall behind it is splattered with dry coffee and cappuccino. We missed the dustbin on several occasions.

The room is cold, almost freezing. There are 16 neon lamps in the room, arranged in 4 groups of 4. They are barricaded by steel dividers, just like the room is barricaded from the rest of the complex by a thick brown door with no handles.

It is now locked.

A half filled bottle of water is standing next to a half-drunk cup of tea. The tea is cold. Nothing survives for long in this room.

My laptop bag is to my left, on the floor, a few inches away from a big dry blot of coffee. The carpet is dark gray and stitched in blue. The bag is black, light and comfortable. It has a long strap with IBM engraved on it. Next to the laptop bag is a plastic bag that contains a Kellogg’s Nutri-Gain box. I like the apple flavor.

I look at the Google Desktop side bar, at the to-do list. They are all ticked. “Create so-and-so report”. Done. “Send email to X”. Done. “Get the IP of Server and send to X”. Done. “Configure the XML for This”. Done.

Done Done Done Done Done.

I look at my post-its.

Between the Fairuz songs, doodles, random numbers, random names, random words, the number of kilometers I ran, the calories of food I ate, tonight’s dinner, last week’s breakfast, the phone numbers and the fingerprints and the blots of ink and the drop of blood from the paper cut – between all these I find an un-ticked to-do item.

“Have your last cup of tea, take a moment, say goodbye”.

The tea is now cold.

Moments have come and gone… moments that add up to a year and a half. I have taken all the moments I could take in, in this room.

I had lunch here several times. Mostly Johnny Rockets.

I spilled all sorts of things.

I froze, I worked, I submitted, I corrected, I modified, I altered, I checked, I tested, I blogged, I chatted, I prayed.

All here, in moments past.

I have other offices… but this is the special office.

The office on my first day.

And now I am sitting here. No one else is in the complex. No one I care about anyway.

Today is the End of Days. Sunday is a new beginning.

Same work.
Same department.
Same people.
Different email.
Different account.

Different office.

Shore

Have you ever cared for someone,
You’d die if you made them sad?
You’d rather burn in the sun
And it would never feel that bad.

You give and give and never ask back,
And you refuse because it won’t feel right.
But all you do is burden your sack,
And drop another straw on your plight.

You keep your silence and your smiles
When the one you care for begins to scold.
Then you walk away the miles
Alone in the damp streets and cold.

You think of how to set things back
To the way they were supposed to be.
But all you do is to lose track
Of your emotions in the open sea.

And then your thoughts drag you down
A path so long, twisted and dark.
And your emotions you lose to own
And become your guiding ark.

The good times, and the bad,
They all return in a flash.
You realize what you once had,
Now a torn paper in the trash.

You reach your home and open the door,
And you hope that you would see
Her sitting on the couch waiting for
A smile to set you free.

And then she says “let’s walk the shore,
Because I do care about you and me”.

On a cold Tuesday, the 22nd of March 2005