Jarjuiciyyat Vol. 3

The Grasshopper Incident Me: O_______________________O Sis: *walks in* what’s the matter? Me: *points* Sis: O_______________________O Sis: Ok KJ we need to kill it. Me: NO WAY! I am NOT going to kill that thing! Sis: It’s in OUR BALCONY and I don’t want it IN MY HOUSE! Me: FINE! But I am not going to squish it. Sis: Whatever. Me: *gets room scented spray* Sis: What the HELL are you doing?! Me: What...

A Bad Day at the Airport

Airport woes are nothing new to anyone who’s traveled, and frequent fliers are always susceptible to baggage losses, canceled flights, wailing kids and the Bitch at Passport Control. Like my management professor says, they’re commercial smiles, nothing is for free. Apparently Passport Control Bitch (PCB for short) doesn’t get paid particularly well. fig 1.2.3 – PCB concept art v1 Mom’s...

Fruits Must be Destroyed NOW!

Who of you hate fruits, say aye! AYE! Or is it I? Regardless, hideous fruits must be abolished from human consumption. Yes, I know, fruits are all the rage these days – vitamin source and those environmental and Go Green imbeciles and Healthy Lifestyle crap nutritionists can’t tell you enough on the importance of fruits. go-green + fruits = lies! all lies! (hint: it’s a PIE chart!) Though...

Jarjuiciyyat vol. 2

Body Analysis Encore Trainer: OK I got the results of the body analysis. Me: shoot. Trainer: *eyes paper suspiciously and looks at me, then at paper, then at me* Me: what Trainer: you lost weight. Me: BUT HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Trainer: I don’t know Me: That’s impossible. I gained two inches around the waist and some muscle! My friends are telling me I look better. I DO look better and I FEEL better! Trainer:...

When Mom Reads Something She Shouldn’t

As you know, I have had several journals that speak of my days and nights on this planet. One or two of them got trashed and another burnt, but a couple survived, one of them thick enough to chronicle three years or so. At any rate, when mom was here some time ago, she was doing her usual cleaning and rearranging when she stumbled upon The Book. If I were wise enough I would have put The Book among other notebooks,...