moogle thoughts

Moogle Thoughts Issue #9 – Solving the Water Crisis

Ah! Free at last! This ridiculous, sad, pathetic excuse of a living organism called KJ should be tied to the back of Bugatti and driven around town until he catches fire from the friction. Why a Bugatti? Cuz Moogle kills people in style, of course! I have a rep to keep, you know.

I shall then put the Bugatti on sale using a site created by Qwaider. We all know of his vile evil plans to leech money out of your clicks, so an extra penny will help. The money raised during this “charitable” giveaway will be used to fund my project as outlined below.

Now, for proprietary reasons, I shall formalize the plan according to MOGRI-9019 standards. Morgri the Great is our legendary leader, founder of the Moogles, who got assassinated when he betrayed our clan by fornicating with a pet bunny raised by humans. So you can understand my resentment to KJ.

mogri-the-great1

Mogri the Great, now available in all stores

MOGRI-9019 Case# 261751: Water Crisis Solution Using the Mogrinton Cauldron to Instantiate Invasion Phase III Outlined by Mortigle 001992-128193.

There! Now that I have met the MOGRI-9019 standards I shall proceed with the elaboration.

As you all know, you humans use a lot of water and waste most of it. Seriously. Except for KJ, who calculates the amount of water he consumes so that his bill always comes out as 250 AED every month.

While of course, getting rid of humans is our ultimate goal, starting with KJ, it is in our best interest to aid you in your quest to solve the water crisis. So here is our solution:

water-powder-zoom

You might be puzzled, of course, for your brain capacity is beyond nanoscropic. What you see above is water powder.

Indeed! What a marvellous creation! Water concentrate from water! All you need to do is, put a bit of the powder in the cup, add a tablespoon of liquid water and you are presented with litres upon litres of fresh goodness! In fact, our experiments have shown that 3 kilograms of the powder can fill up a swimming pool with unchlorinated water! This also works very well with my solution to solve global warming.

ocean_hope_1440x900

according to Mogrithology, the Mogrinton Cauldron was used by Mogri the Great to fill Mogripolis with water

So you must be interested in how it works, well, it is quite ingeniously simple really!

All that is required is to heat water to impossible degrees, preferrably between 4028 – 5210 celcius, without it evaporating. Revealing how this is done publicly will foil the plan and render any revenue null. A simpler and much less effective alternative is to heat the water until evaporation, and sprinkle baby powder into the vapors, thereby retaining some of the water in powder form. Of course using such mechanisms may alter the water’s taste and properties so use cautiously.

mogrinton-couldron

the Mogrinton Couldron as presented in Secret Files 9281-211 v2.3

Ah! So here you have it, the power to save the world is in these water powder crystals. Safe, dermatoligically proven and certified by all types of standards!

BUT, there is another way, another more effective way. Unfortunately it will consume lots of time, delaying the Invasion. But, we can use stem cell research to tamper with your genes in such a way to reverse the properties of osmosis, and through years of evolution you can just dip yourself in the sea for a drink.

But that would simply prolong KJ’s existence, and no one wants that, right?

Moogle Thoughts Issue #8 – The Infidel and the Dermatologist

Finally! It’s here!

But… wait! Where is it?!

Well before I give it to you:

What you’re about to see is a mockup. In otherwords, all the content, is by ME. So yes, I get to butcher lots of people here :P But it’s dedicated to our one and only HANI.

Remember! The “chatbox” is to be read bottoms-up!

Remember! It was written with LOVE! Nothing to be offended about!

So go ahead and ENJOY! >>>>>>>> CLICK HERE!

And don’t forget to comment on this post :P

Moogle Thoughts Issue #7 – On Qwaider’s Wedding

Them fiends!

I swear I will just curl up into a fluff ball and sell myself as a fluffy keychain so that Mr Qwaider purchases me as a cute little thing for Mrs Qwaider and I just fart in their car!

Ahem

So here I speak on behalf of all the kupolings (ie bloggers) who do not have the required Kupo Nuts to do this :D

Yes yes I am to imbecilize Mr and Mrs Qwaider.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I will be Mrs Qwaider for a minute cuz KJ told me I should always imbecilize women first.

Mrs Qwaider Posting as Mrs Qwaider Post #3992364

OMG OMG OMG we like went to this uber uber super duper cute cute omg picnic (ie we BBQed in our backyard) and Samer yo2bor 6ooly inshalla ilahi ma ye7remni minnak ya ro7 el 3dam elli maskeh albi ya albi albi inte ya nafas ro7i elli ma kan 3ayesh mn doonak elahi ya 7a2 lk inshalla sadljfblakshfdbp24qi24897edgfpiyagfu sdfij hsdafpioushed 2397d yc (ie people stopped reading and skipped to comments to see what this is about)

Comments:

SomePerson says:
Lek inshalla alf mabrook ya rub (ie ok this is like the 3992364th time I tell you mabrook um it is hard to be the first commenter!)

SomeOtherPerson says:
Awww BBQ how sweeeeeeeeeet! (ie I used MS Word to summarize the content)

YetAnotherPerson says:
Hey sa7teeeeeeeeeeeeeein I make BBQ sauce like this (with recipe)

SomePerson says:
Lek 3eib ya Samer help her out with BBQ (now that I read SomeOtherPerson’s comment and knew what this is about)

Qwaider says:
7abeebet albi lek inshalla Allah ma y7remni mennek ya 7a2 w ya reit [copy paste half of Mai's post here]

KJ says:
Samer strap on a pair and BBQ for once. Mai, next time he doesn’t BBQ throw his Xbox out (note this is like the 3992364th time I say it)

Maher says:
LOOOOOOOOOL! (um, oh hai!)

[the end]

Ah yes love at its finest :D

But fret not, fiendlings! For Moogle is not done yet. Noe Noe – Samer is to be imbecilized NEXT! Right after these messages:

يمكنكم الآن متابعة مسلسل “ميوش” على
MBC+
الرجاء الاتصال على
800-bikaffy-3ad

Samer Posting as Mr Qwaider Live From the Wedding (har har har! I has a marridg!)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Of course I will blog from my wedding! We are ADDICTED! (rather, you’re all stupid enough not to grasp the concept of SCHEDULED POSTS!!!!). HAHA! See how excited I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been training ALL MY LIFE for this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! By posting hundreds of !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! marks in every sentence in every post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As a matter-of-factly as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now since all of you are sorry singles, I will teach you how to perform your JAHA! Cuz am Qwiader and my way is TEH way! And you SHOULD have wedding crashers! Part of the EXPERIENCE! It was AWESOME! Oh and don’t forget my upcoming MOVIE PREVIEW (of course we watched movies during my wedding!): You’re All Jealous Especially You KJ (2008-ad-infinitum)

Moogle Thoughts Issue #6 – On KJ’s Tortoise, Peter

Hi.

I am terribly upset today.

Very upset!

You know why?

Because that cow KJ did not scratch my tummy this morning.

Or yesterday.

Or the day before.

He is now enjoying PETER.

YES! My supposed host is now hosting an actual living entity. A stupid tortoise that goes by the name of Peter.

peter’s stupid claws

Now you’d say, awww, how cute. NO! It is not cute. It is SAD! I mean, what COULD you do with a tortoise? Use it as a door step? Paper weight? A mini bowling ball pitted against mini pins?!

I mean, here I am, hopping around and providing endless entertainment, then he puts his attention on that… thing!

He didn’t even PURCHASE that creature! He got it as a gift from one of his friends who actually realized that she has a life and should enjoy it and not waste time on nurturing stupid animals and multiple identities and a stuffed zoo and OCD and house cleaning with plant based detergents.

And let me tell you, KJ is a HORRIBLE host! Take it from MY experience! If only could Peter see the amount of stuffed animals KJ has! My My what an abysmal way to end up, ain’t that right Peter boy?

What are you going to do? Shell yourself up? Oh wait a minute, that is the ONLY thing you can do! Other than consume endless amounts of lettuce, MY LETTUCE!

my lettuce, mine you stupid dinosaur!

Fine.

You have NO IDEA what KJ has in store for you. No you don’t! You thought that the “exercise” routine he gives you is all? No no! Although he FINALLY got you out of the shoe box and put you in a huge tank with a stupid heat lamp for you to “sun bathe” in (dammit and I am stuck here in total darkness and empty space), you have NO idea what is in store for you!

Maybe I should turn up that heat lamp.. let’s see… yes this should do.

Let me tell you non-Moogles of KJ’s exercise plans for poor Peter. Poor KJ is actually hoping to enroll that stupid blob of, stuff, in the Olympics.

A couple of days ago KJ actually got all cereal boxes and other, well, boxes from his kitchen and arranged it such that he formed a track, big enough for Peter to marathon (lol) in but not be able to turn around.

KJ hoped that Peter would actually go ahead to the finish line.

But of course, I had a talk with Peter. I have to pick sides, and if I am to thwart KJ’s plans, I have to side with that stupid thing – for now. So I told Peter of KJ’s ambitions, and Peter told me he still has like 150 years to go.

So what happened was, to KJ’s dismay, Peter walked 1/5th the distance and then fell asleep. Just like he did when he was forced to watch OPRAH with KJ!

it sleeps to avoid the torture!

HAHA! TAKE THAT KJ!

You know sometimes I think I should completely take over you. But it’s OK. Because I have a grand plan for Peter.

You see, I will use Peter’s robust peeing skills to draw a voodoo spell on your retarded spotless floor. With the amount of cleaning you do and Peter’s speed, it will take 14.42 years, but that is OK, as long as it is done. The results will look something like this:


By which then I would have taken complete control over you and I would put Peter in a much larger animal farm far away, with many other animals. I will send you to that animal farm too. Yes yes excellent! My plans are bullet proof! Of course they are!

The Invasion begins soon! Just wait!

Moogle Thoughts Issue #5 – On Global Warming

I have managed to come up with the ultimate solution to Global Warming! But first let me alter KJ’s profile picture…

mihmihmih

Ahem.

After LOTS of studying and CAREFUL RESEARCH I have come up with a list of solutions to global warming! But nothing beats the number one solution!!!! It is based on the “scientific” theories on global warming:
theory K - too much sunlight
theory U – big fat ozone hole
theory P – people make lots of bad gas
theory O – no one wants to pay

Kupo! As we can see, the main problem here is theory K. Because sunlight = heat and heat = ice melting = water up = humans drown = no more moogle infestation.

So after a lot of doodling, my proposal is as follows:
Mirrors!

Yes, kupo, see, this is how things go.

As you can see from my illustration, sun goes in but not out. Light heats stupid planet, fries people, etc.

With the use of mirrors, we can REFLECT the light!

Yes yes.

We install mirrors on the top of buildings. We don’t have to put mirrors on EVERY building, around 20-25% per city will be good! Imagine! a 20% drop in temperature!!!

With the use of mirrors, we achieve the following:
M – less ultraviolet light!
I – less heat!
R – reflected light blinds incoming aliens!
R – reflected light makes our planet a STAR!!!
O – cost effective!
R – easy to clean!

What do you think?! Vote me as blog owner!

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