First Print

Yesterday I have received the first print of something I have photographed, and it really made my day! Although I have taken a lot of photos I haven’t printed any.

I am not gonna give the motivation as to why I had this printed (other than it is a gift) because I worry the person would be reading this and I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. Anyway, when I went to the Kodak shop and saw it, I was deeply touched. There I was standing in this Kodak shop and I was holding my work. It is like when you finally print your thesis paper or something.

Holding it really made me proud of myself. I was truly happy then, and it gave me a lot of motivation and will to print more of my stuff to hang around the house (imagine I don’t have photos hanging on the walls!). I even went the whole nine yards to get the photo framed – I left work early and had to hop-shop a lot of places before finally landing in IKEA where I found the perfect frame for it.

Seeing myself put my whole soul into this gave me the uplift I needed to move on.

A Restless Note

“I see that you have talked to her,” he commented, his concentration apparently fixed on his work.

“Yes, I did. I got to know her better. There was nothing odd in our conversation.” I felt uncomfortable talking about what happened, but my heart told me to.

“I am certain of that fact,” he coldly said as he placed his tools on the table. He appeared tired, and he found his way to his bed, and lay there. I addressed my own bed, and felt that a dire omen was soon to appear.

The rest of the day passed without incidence of abnormality. The Lieutenant and I spent the day together; we had lunch, and we talked about many insignificant issues, mostly for entertainment. When the hours had darkened, the Lieutenant surrendered to sleep early, and left me awake to address my own thoughts and emotions.

As I lay in my bed I thought of what the Lieutenant had been telling me regarding April, and trying to balance my own thoughts and emotions with them. I had understood what he meant when he told me not to love her, but at the same time, I wanted to know her better, even though my incentives were different. I did not want to please romance; I only wanted to know her better for her character. My heart however refused my sudden change of thoughts. My heart demanded romance, and my mind denied. A battle waged, and at that night, I allowed for my mind to surrender. I decided to give in to whatever my heart desired. I wrote a small letter which I tore after my heart earned its gratification. It read:

You cannot believe how being awake at this hour makes me feel! What silence, what concentration! To think that never in my life that I spent this hour awake! I am happy to write to you at this moment, because you are sleeping and I feel you belong to me more. You cannot imagine what I would pay to watch you asleep!

I recalled the dream I had when I watched her sleep. I felt an unbearable nostalgia, and I truly desired her that night. But all my feelings were gone when I tore that letter. My inner turmoil ended when I had allowed my heart to express itself in a harmless manner. My thoughts regained their domination as a consequence, and I felt at peace. My resolution was only temporary, and I could not discern how long it would stand.

Your affections were only a passing crush, I told myself repeatedly. They were wrong for many reasons. I slept that night convinced that they would disappear the following morning.

Written on 27th May, 2005

Things About to Change

Well first of all, for some reason I got fed up with capitalizing the first letter of every word in the title of journals here or on dA. I dunno why I just keep capitalizing them.Anyway, after a recent survey done by my cousin KI, I got some feedback about some things in life that need improvement (my survey to him is still pending :P). So the first and easiest thing (supposedly) to implement is spending the majority of the weekends outside the house and not in, as usual. Although UAEans would sympathize with me, KI does have a point, with all the wasted time (4-6 hours a day) driving a total of 130 kilometers per day, I might as well spend the other portion of the time doing something useful.

So basically I have divided the days of the week. On SUN, TUES, THUR I will spend them on videogames. I will also allocate 1 hour before sleep to reading, since reading does tend to get me sleepy it is a perfect way to spend the last hour of the day.

Now I do not want to fall into a routine, so I will be shuffling and mixing up activities. Since eventually I end up having at least 3 hours by the time I get back home till I start losing all energy, I can do whatever to fill in those 3 hours. I can perhaps even make a very nice gourmet complete with entre and dessert, so that I can enjoy quality time at home and not convert into the hotel it already is.

In other news, my laptop is finally drawing its final breaths. I realized that the total number of days it was OFF in the past 4 years was around 30-40, which means that the laptop literally was under a survival test. I am getting a new desktop, soon, and I am already fishing for good prices.

New is good, not always, but usually is, and I am looking forward to a better life-management.