A Small Post From Amman

When my notebook is not with me it’s my tradition to write my thoughts on the iPhone notes and probably copy them later when I have the chance. This time I decided to share mY thoughts with you. Fresh, raw, unedited.

It’s very hard to describe what I am feeling right now. It’s a mixture of happiness and sadness and bitterness and loathing and compassion and excitement and regret to name a very few.

My trip to Amman has been cut short, but at one point it was going to be cancelled before it even began. The circumstances were all pointing to the Dont Walk signal. But for once, i felt the need to ignore logic and go with instincts.

I needed to go.

I’ve met many wonderful people, bloggers and the blokes on Twitter. Sadly I haven’t seen them all, and their schedules with my failed plans made logtistics impossible to meet eveyone. But I am coming back in July. And I have to joke about the weather, at least the July heat is something i am very familiar with as a Dubai resident.

I’m leaving to Syria tomorrow, Tuesday. I’m going to go see my grandma, and my dad. I’m also going there as an incentive for mom to fly over to Damascus so we can treat her back pain she has been enduring. I’m very sensitive to pain, especially mom’s and granny’s and it’s mentally exhausting and brings me to tears just thinking about it. I tried my best to cheer mom up on mother’s day, and her birthday, but there’s very little you can do to a woman getting shots in her spine and is in pain. I can only fight my own tears as she spills hers and I console her by telling her I love her and that I am very happy.

Happy days have been few these days, making little triumphs seem like epic achievements. Nevertheless I haven’t been this content for some very long time. It feels strange and alien. In fact it even seems inappropriate. But I will embrace it. It’s a small gift from the universe I cannot be modest about and reject.

Cutting to the chase I guess all I really wanted is to thank Khaled (@shusmo). He lift a heavy burden off of my shoulders whilst I was there. I feel lighter now, just enough for me to push myself forward. Thank you Khaled.

  • Douja

    This is amazing! You are such a talented writer mashalla

  • Jano

    Next time you're here won't be treated as a guest khalas you're already one of us. :) except for food.. We'll take u good places!

    Inshallah your mom will feel much better.. Our prayers n thoughts are all with her.. please let her know <3

    finally, it was a pleasure meeting you n spend this little time but amazing with you.. take care of yourself n ur mom till we meet again.. Till then, we'll bug each other here n on Twitter :)

    P.s. Please don't prank call me! Lol

  • ali

    Sorry to know that you had to cut you visit to amman, But it's good to know that your coming back on july, I hope then i will be able to meet you.

    salamet your mother and i really hope she feels better asap!

    Have a safe flight.

  • kinzi

    I didn't get the memo on this visit, khalto. Stony silence. I will not be here in July. XP

    Bas, sounds like you were in great hands with Khaled, and I will be praying for your mom, she is in good hands with you.:)

  • hamdanism

    glad you had fun man !! Maybe I'll be there in July too :)

  • ruslantrad

    Greetings to your family,Kinan!

    I will be in Syria on May:)

  • Shusmo


    It was a pleasure meeting you my man, glad you enjoyed your time be Amman.

    Wish your mom a full recovery inshallah.

    Salam lelahel and wish you joy and shusmo :-)

  • jarofjuice

    Thank you :)

  • jarofjuice

    That will be awesome! Menjeeb kaman sooriyyat loooool

  • jarofjuice

    Why shouldn't I prank call you? It's fun loool!

    Pleasure is all mine in meeting you and yes, next time it will be food

  • jarofjuice

    Thanks Ali, will definitely see you in July inshallah

  • jarofjuice

    Kinzi, I asked Maher to set up a meeting with you and we hoped we
    would run into you in his baseball game! But it looks like he got a
    bit busy! Would have loved to see you :)

    Thank you for your prayers…

  • jarofjuice

    Thanks man! I will see if I can make it in May

  • jarofjuice

    Thanks 7abibi, you are the best wallah! A7san shusmo bel denya :) la
    yomal mennak

  • asoom

    Have fun in amman and tell my mom she needs to come back home now. I'm sorry to hear about your mommy :(

  • Hamza Taha

    great, hope she is feeling better now, and yalla I guess you saw all what you need to see in Amman. So I am happy that you decided on last minute to go to syria. I am expecting a blog post when you come back.

    have fun

  • jarofjuice

    Thanks Asoom, she will get better when she listens!

  • jarofjuice

    Yeah a post is coming up in the next couple of days!