7 years ago

Seven Years Ago

I was a genius!

A friend of mine came across an email I sent to my friends that many years ago. I, myself, keep emails, some that go back to 1997 (those were printed, even), and the others happily residing in digital form on my computer. In that email, I wrote words that resound in my head as I read them today. “Did I write that?” I tell myself in disbelief.

No matter how many books you read or how many pills you take or how many sessions you sit through, nothing is as effective as reading your very own words – the you that you miss as you grow up.

I for one know what that KJ was talking about. And despite the stolen but paraphrased last paragraph from a Danielle Steele novel (let’s not comment on that, but if you need to know, the book was called The Long Road Home), and the typos, I think that KJ is still around and kicking!

Thank you, me!

This is a break of my tradition of sorts, but I would like to share it with you regardless.


It’s hard not to get the “I Am Going To Make A Resolution” urge on New Year’s Eve. There’s that sense of renewal, of rebirth, and the guilty awareness that you ate your own weight in chocolate during the holidays (or in case of some people I know [me], quite a lot of hot dogs). Sure, last year’s resolutions didn’t make it past the fifth of January, but hey, this year’s going to be different, right?


Most of us don’t have a clue how to make a reasonable resolution, which is why most of us fail to keep the ones we make. We set high goals for ourselves, and then wonder why we never attain them. So we either stop setting goals (saying something like “Well maybe next year I would make a wiser one”), or make resolutions that are ridiculously easy to keep (like the other one I made, “I Promise To Be Good To Everyone”. I mean, seriously…whom am I kidding).


I reign as the undisputed king of the broken resolution. Gain weight (imagine, people). Exercise. And, of course, the invariably stress-inducing “I Must Relax More” (as in be in my own shoes). They all failed, and not because I wasn’t sincere when I made them. I’d say it, I’d mean it, and then I did . . . Absolutely nothing. Oh sure, the resolution stood firm for a few weeks, and its memory returned throughout the year, mostly to make me feel guilty and ineffectual. Except for the Russian accent. I want to keep it.


Once I realized this I made a prompt, if somewhat tardy, New Year’s resolution (Okay, really tardy. It was in the summer semester, June). This year was going to be different. Only this time, my resolution was to figure out a way to keep resolutions.


This year witnessed two major events that occured and, ultimately, altered my life. The first of them was my unintentional [metaphorical] destruction (and I emphasize the word unintentional for those who know what I am talking about). The second of them was the “Phoenix Effect” – my recreation. True, I was the architect of both, perfectly orchestrating both symphonies – while opposing by nature, but necessary to complete the circle.


So right now I am looking back. I have reach the summit of this mountain. Looking back, I discovered that, although I have had many difficulties climbing it, the road doesn’t seem as twisted, rocky or scary from up here. And with that, I have decided on my New Year’s Resolution.