offered sex

Getting Offered for…. Sex!

You read that right.

And I am just as bewildered.

[obvious note: 'adult' content follows. Kids interested in learning about sex should go here]

It happened yesterday, as I was waiting for my friend to arrive. I decided to kill time before lunch by going to the beach (in Ajman) in the middle of the day to enjoy a true winter’s noon – chilly winds and a burning bright sun. My body was perplexed by that very combination, but it felt comfortable to be BBQed at a deceivingly cool temperature.

As I admired the seagulls being chased by a species of roaches I had nightmares about during the night, a portly short man in his 40’s strolled by and commented on the weather as an ice breaker. Having been single for a while I missed the whole point of this cheesy introduction. From his accent I deduced he was Lebanese.

Indeed, I replied, it’s quite nice. The one thing people seeking solitary retreat hate is having someone adulterate the experience with a conversation. The epic battle of mechanical roaches and the majestic griffins (the ancestors of seagulls) that was waging in my head had to be put on hold. The man found it perfectly reasonable to sit at the other end of the bench where I was sitting.

Life is tough, he reminded me, which is why I find the sea relaxing. I have imagined, like countless times before, that a tsunami arrives at that very moment from which a form of Divine sea serpent emerges and swallows the nuisance that arrived in the form of that man. I remained silent. He continued, I got fired from my job and I am taking them to court because they refused to pay me.

It’s not a story I have not experienced myself in one of the agencies I dealt with in my previous job, so I was not interested in hearing it. But the man went on anyway, describing the details of a case and the court hearings and the paperwork and the disputes at the Ministry of Labour, most of which I have blocked out of memory.

Being a nice person that I am, I let him talk, giving him half an ear while my attention was diverted on more important matters, like the fallen commander from the griffin army and the rolling out of the Mass Griffin Annihilator  by the mechanical roach army. But the griffins were an orderly bunch; even without a commander they would follow The Order as has been dictated to them by the Battle Plan. The Mass Griffin Annihilator, however, was unaccounted for, and after a brief moment of confusion, the griffin flying the highest was elected as the new commander. The ritual was a quick one with each griffin giving up a feather, rendering the sky a white confetti flying up in celebration of the soaring new commander.

… and then I knocked on the door and my friend opened it and he was naked. I was snapped back to reality by his shocking switch of topics. He and my Egyptian roommate were sleeping with a Romanian woman at the same time. His C-grade 2 minute porn flick did not interest me in the least but he was far from done. He described to me in detail the times he caught his roommates sleeping with other women or, often, even with another men they brought in. I have no idea why I did not tell the guy to stop. My facial expression was that of disgust and I expressed it verbally but did not manage to explicitly tell him to stop.

He went on describing how his friend got fooled by someone else in a job interview, where the interviewer took his friend to the “site location” where he coerced him into sex and paid him 10,000 AED. Taking people to “site” and forcing them into sex is a cliche story line right out of a 1987 porn movie remake of 1937 Disney’ Snow White.

Then he said something that finally made my brain click: His friend was coerced by the interviewer easily because the interviewer has been talking about sex earlier in order to arouse the man, so that he reaches a state where he will do anything just to experience the pleasure. Not aroused in the slightest, the man sensed it and thought if he let me talk about my sexual experiences I might get aroused and probably succumb to him later on.

With nothing but disgust and disbelief on my face I still did not know why I just didn’t beat the shit out of the guy. Disappointed in my lack of response, he opted for a last resort: to entice sexual feelings through bestiality. As soon as he started to talk about him taping cats mating, even the mechanical roaches told me enough is enough.

You know what, I said, finally, I will leave you to your porn and quickly left. My car was close by but I didn’t wanna risk him knowing what my car is and its number. I feigned hailing a cab until the guy went back to his car and left. A good 20 minutes later I decided to leave.

Recalling the whole scenario, it was karma. Back in college I went out with the guys and did what all guys do: make fun of whores (and some of the guys did a bit more). We hollered from the car asking them how much? before we left them to their devices to grab a bite and head back to the dorms.

Oh dear, what does the future hold!

  • https://accounts.google.com/ServiceLogin?service=blogger&hl=en&passive=86400&continue=http://www.blogger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL%3Dhttp://daysofpearl.blogspot.com/%26zx%3Dhlioq9gz9mv& Pearl

    i have to agree with abufares here – i was more amused with the cockroaches too, they were more fun to picture in my head :grin:

    but in general, i’m a little disturbed, irked…my goodness :o

  • Desert Shark

    That was disturbing, surprised you let him talk as long as you did. Good thinking pretending to hail a cab, there’s no telling if that guy was willing to follow you.

  • http://hammouz.blogspot.com/ hamza

    eft…I am disappointed.

    The title of the post left me with a different impression.

    I thought you were offered for sex.

    *mumbles curses*

  • http://hammouz.blogspot.com hamza

    eft…I am disappointed.

    The title of the post left me with a different impression.

    I thought you were offered for sex.

    *mumbles curses*

  • abufares

    Wrong time, wrong place I guess… or more accurately, wrong asshole to allow to talk at length while you were busy with the Mass Griffin Annihilator and the cockroaches 8)

  • abufares

    Wrong time, wrong place I guess… or more accurately, wrong asshole to allow to talk at length while you were busy with the Mass Griffin Annihilator and the cockroaches 8)

  • https://accounts.google.com/ServiceLogin?service=blogger&hl=en&passive=86400&continue=http://www.blogger.com/blogin.g?blogspotURL%3Dhttp://daysofpearl.blogspot.com/%26zx%3Dhlioq9gz9mv& Pearl

    i have to agree with abufares here – i was more amused with the cockroaches too, they were more fun to picture in my head :grin:

    but in general, i’m a little disturbed, irked…my goodness :o

  • Desert Shark

    That was disturbing, surprised you let him talk as long as you did. Good thinking pretending to hail a cab, there’s no telling if that guy was willing to follow you.

  • http://www.confessionsofachubby.blogspot.com/ Ali “Chubby”

    The title is misleading by the way, I was a bit disappointed as well, LOL.

  • http://www.confessionsofachubby.blogspot.com Ali “Chubby”

    The title is misleading by the way, I was a bit disappointed as well, LOL.

  • http://nashashibi.blogspot.com/ adi

    man, what weapons did the roach army have?, An actin game like that would be amazing… and this is not karma… this is society screw up!!!

  • http://nashashibi.blogspot.com adi

    man, what weapons did the roach army have?, An actin game like that would be amazing… and this is not karma… this is society screw up!!!

  • Anonymous

    Hamza -
    hehehehe :P

    abufares -
    I know, why would you disturb someone gazing at the horizon!

    Pearl -
    It’s a funny story, thankfully he didn’t flash me or I would have been traumatized!

    Desert Shark -
    It’s mostly my fault for letting him talk at this length, but then I wouldn’t have had blog material!

    Adi -
    They’re well equipped with state of the art weapons! Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!

  • http://blog.jarofjuice.com KJ

    Hamza -
    hehehehe :P

    abufares -
    I know, why would you disturb someone gazing at the horizon!

    Pearl -
    It’s a funny story, thankfully he didn’t flash me or I would have been traumatized!

    Desert Shark -
    It’s mostly my fault for letting him talk at this length, but then I wouldn’t have had blog material!

    Adi -
    They’re well equipped with state of the art weapons! Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!

  • http://www.za3tar.net/ za3tar

    EWWWWW

  • http://www.za3tar.net/ za3tar

    EWWWWW

  • http://ammanis.wordpress.com/ M

    How, exactly, does one go from talking about getting fired from his job job to walking in on his friends [to a stranger, nonetheless!]?

    Disturbing, to say the least.

  • http://ammanis.wordpress.com M

    How, exactly, does one go from talking about getting fired from his job job to walking in on his friends [to a stranger, nonetheless!]?

    Disturbing, to say the least.

  • o’GDawg

    Hey KJ . . . happy to finally drop by your crib . . . find’n yo address was a bitch, man . . . then just spent 20 holler’n at’cha bout ya sexy-weirdo experience only to lose my scribble coz i didn’t include my email . . . anyway . . . wish’n you and dJazz good health and prosperity in the NEW YEAR . . . peace out

  • o’GDawg

    Hey KJ . . . happy to finally drop by your crib . . . find’n yo address was a bitch, man . . . then just spent 20 holler’n at’cha bout ya sexy-weirdo experience only to lose my scribble coz i didn’t include my email . . . anyway . . . wish’n you and dJazz good health and prosperity in the NEW YEAR . . . peace out

  • http://irrelevantcombinations.blogspot.com/ Zaher

    this is the funniest story I’ve read in a long time.

  • http://irrelevantcombinations.blogspot.com/ Zaher

    this is the funniest story I’ve read in a long time.