Jarjuiciyyat vol. 2

Body Analysis Encore

Trainer: OK I got the results of the body analysis.
Me: shoot.
Trainer: *eyes paper suspiciously and looks at me, then at paper, then at me*
Me: what
Trainer: you lost weight.
Me: BUT HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Trainer: I don’t know
Me: That’s impossible. I gained two inches around the waist and some muscle! My friends are telling me I look better. I DO look better and I FEEL better!
Trainer: Yeah… but… in numbers you lost weight
Me: So you’re telling me I gained muscle and gained two inches and lost weight
Trainer: I am also confused
Me: So my body… reshaped itself? I morph now?!
Trainer: Well these things happen
Me: …
Trainer: ….
Trainer: So, um, let’s add five more sessions on the house :D
Me: Brilliant :D

Little Girl Ghosts

Me: *calls up friend at 3 AM* dude I can’t sleep
Friend: mmnghh… Malak? Feek eshi? (what’s wrong?)
Me: ya zalameh… afel bab el 2ooda 3ala 7ali w met5abby ta7t el m5addeh (I locked myself in the bedroom and am hiding under the blanket)
Friend: looooooooooooooooooool, bte7ki jad? (you’re kidding right?)
Me: shayefni 3am affel 3aleik ya3ni! (you think I’m joking?!)
Friend: tayyeb… shu fi, mn 2eish 5ayef? (ok, what are you afraid of?)
Me: el bent el sgheereh (the little girl)
Friend: huh?!
Me: ya zalameh, kel ma bet7ammam, besma3 sot benet w kalb (every time I shower I hear a girl’s voice and a dog’s)
Friend: ok
Me: shu ok?! balki tel3etli? (what if she came out?)
Friend: walak 3an jad bte7ki? LOOOOOOOL (are you serious?!)
Me: walak (hey!)
Friend: tayyeb bas tetla3 e3mel 3aleiha pipi LOOOL (if she comes out, piss on her)
Me: &#*#^%
Friend: la jad halla2, ma t5af, aslo elli bet5af menno byetla3lak (seriously though, don’t be scared, if you’re scared of something it will show up)
Me: O__________________O
Friend: LOOOOOOOL walak ehda 3anna bye7kooha la wlad sghar mshan ma y5afo (dude chill we say this to kids so they stop being afraid)
Me: SHU SHAYEFNI WALAD SGHEER (DO YOU SEE ME AS A KID)
Friend: la abadan LOOOOOOOOL (no not at all!)

Chicken vs Cockroaches

Me: man I can’t believe you eat meat
Friend: why? since when you’re vegetarian?
Me: I am not… I just don’t like cow/sheep meet.
Friend: so you eat chicken and fish?
Me: yup
Friend: care to explain?
Me: well, cows have feelings, they’re huggable and have little babies.
Friend: *prays silently*
Me: imagine being also a nice young sheep, rolling around in the grass, and then you’re taken away. Imagine being the mother of that sheep.
Friend: why does God punish me with people like you! What about chicken? Don’t they have feelings?
Me: Chicken are stupid. They can’t even fly. They’re birds waiting to be extinct. It’s our job as humans to eat as many as possible to accomplish it.
Friend: Your logic is… quite something
Me: and fish, well they might evolve into a huge dragon and kill us all.
Friend: aha…
Me: dude killing cows and sheep are like killing spiders
Friend: huh
Me: spiders are intelligent. They help keeping insects out of the house by eating them. Plus they have a soul
Friend: so by your logic you don’t kill insects. And chicken and fish don’t have souls.
Me: No, they have pointless souls. And roaches don’t have souls. They’re demons that should be killed!
Friend: I have no idea how you will ever function in a society




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  • POW09
    KJ you remind me of myself and my friends. I myself can't name or think of a single person who isn't scared of little girl ghosts. But your logic of animals is a new idea, to say the least. It's almost like saying " I'm vegetarian, not because I love animals but beacause I hate plants. lmao
  • Wa3d
    * scared of her self *
    KJ ! I think of sheep and cows the same way !
    If we think alike , does that mean I am a mash6oobeh like you ?! Unlike you I use the " I hate to chew on muscle fibers " with strangers !
  • jarofjuice
    Hamza, inta mesh tabee3i! I never thought of fish as coffee addicts LOL! I think if you throw a fish in the Dead Sea it might be forced to blink :P
  • looool, that was pretty hilarious that i dunno from where to start..

    but the analogy of chicken, fish and spiders are signs of favorism towards some animals over others.

    As for fish, I dunno man, I always imagine them as coffee addicts with their big eyes that never blink...loool
  • jarofjuice
    H -
    Sigh!

    Sou -
    Give me ONE example of a person who isn't afraid of little girl ghosts!

    Sameh -
    ewaaaaaaan

    simsim -
    when you're running away from one, come talk to me :@

    Asoom -
    Yeah it was one of those things where I had to hold two metal wires and it analyzes everything in my body, like water and protein and muscle mass in each area and water retention etc. It seems ridiculous it could do all that, it's like having someone read my palm!

    vagueraz -
    grrrrrr

    mohammad -
    I am glad it did :P
  • LOOOOOOOOOL! This made my day.
  • a little girl ah !!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOL
  • I meant to say *those machines are FAR from scientifically accurate...."
  • hahahahaha

    As for the body analysis did they do it manually using those crude tools, or did they do it using one of those machines hooked up to a computer? Because those sensing machines are from from scientifically accurate and that's why a lot of gyms don't allow their trainers to use them. Just something to think about.

    Alot of external factors affect their results so sometimes they give inconsistent numbers that don't make sense....just something ot think about.
  • and fish, well they might evolve into a huge dragon and kill us all.

    loooooooooool

    wallahee ennak nahfeh loooool
  • Sameh
    NAHFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH
  • LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL you really made me laugh KJ especially with your small girl's ghost this one was hilarious would love to have been in your friend's place would have had some good time on your expense :P

    Amazing your logic regarding creatures indeed. Well there is a first time for everything so let's postpone trying to make sense out of it till after a month of my marriage so I would not die so young :)
  • H
    Maaaaan... 3anjad ennak sar3ah...ma 2elak 7all :p
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