Moogle Thoughts Issue #9 – Solving the Water Crisis

Ah! Free at last! This ridiculous, sad, pathetic excuse of a living organism called KJ should be tied to the back of Bugatti and driven around town until he catches fire from the friction. Why a Bugatti? Cuz Moogle kills people in style, of course! I have a rep to keep, you know.

I shall then put the Bugatti on sale using a site created by Qwaider. We all know of his vile evil plans to leech money out of your clicks, so an extra penny will help. The money raised during this “charitable” giveaway will be used to fund my project as outlined below.

Now, for proprietary reasons, I shall formalize the plan according to MOGRI-9019 standards. Morgri the Great is our legendary leader, founder of the Moogles, who got assassinated when he betrayed our clan by fornicating with a pet bunny raised by humans. So you can understand my resentment to KJ.

mogri-the-great1

Mogri the Great, now available in all stores

MOGRI-9019 Case# 261751: Water Crisis Solution Using the Mogrinton Cauldron to Instantiate Invasion Phase III Outlined by Mortigle 001992-128193.

There! Now that I have met the MOGRI-9019 standards I shall proceed with the elaboration.

As you all know, you humans use a lot of water and waste most of it. Seriously. Except for KJ, who calculates the amount of water he consumes so that his bill always comes out as 250 AED every month.

While of course, getting rid of humans is our ultimate goal, starting with KJ, it is in our best interest to aid you in your quest to solve the water crisis. So here is our solution:

water-powder-zoom

You might be puzzled, of course, for your brain capacity is beyond nanoscropic. What you see above is water powder.

Indeed! What a marvellous creation! Water concentrate from water! All you need to do is, put a bit of the powder in the cup, add a tablespoon of liquid water and you are presented with litres upon litres of fresh goodness! In fact, our experiments have shown that 3 kilograms of the powder can fill up a swimming pool with unchlorinated water! This also works very well with my solution to solve global warming.

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according to Mogrithology, the Mogrinton Cauldron was used by Mogri the Great to fill Mogripolis with water

So you must be interested in how it works, well, it is quite ingeniously simple really!

All that is required is to heat water to impossible degrees, preferrably between 4028 – 5210 celcius, without it evaporating. Revealing how this is done publicly will foil the plan and render any revenue null. A simpler and much less effective alternative is to heat the water until evaporation, and sprinkle baby powder into the vapors, thereby retaining some of the water in powder form. Of course using such mechanisms may alter the water’s taste and properties so use cautiously.

mogrinton-couldron

the Mogrinton Couldron as presented in Secret Files 9281-211 v2.3

Ah! So here you have it, the power to save the world is in these water powder crystals. Safe, dermatoligically proven and certified by all types of standards!

BUT, there is another way, another more effective way. Unfortunately it will consume lots of time, delaying the Invasion. But, we can use stem cell research to tamper with your genes in such a way to reverse the properties of osmosis, and through years of evolution you can just dip yourself in the sea for a drink.

But that would simply prolong KJ’s existence, and no one wants that, right?

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