Latest photos from my photo blog

Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story

I was pronounced dead on arrival, on a warm Monday evening at roughly 7 PM.

I remember it was a tough, long day at work. I had many problems wrapping up all my tasks before I leave my position in two weeks’ time. Exhausted, I slept in the car while my sister drove. Lights passed from the window, briefly illuminating my unconsciousness as I swam along the shores two weeks from now.

An SMS woke me up. I read it in disbelief. It was regarding a delayed DHL shipment of mine. I sent my cousin, in Sweden, a lovely birthday gift, in a giant 70 cm frame to his desires.

I called up the DHL office, and a gentleman answered my plea for aid. He said he would inform me as soon as he gets information.

Hours of agony passed.

Burst My Bubble  by opportunistatlarge Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story
burst my bubble

What a nice warm evening… on a day like this I would be cruising around Dubai, enjoying the lives of other people.

The man called me back.

“Yes sir this is regarding your shipment,” he said.
“Aha..”
“It cannot be delivered,” he announced, rather unapologetically.
“How come?!” I inquired, rather naively.
“It has been damaged..”

It was then when I went into epileptic seizures and died.

There is no afterlife. At least, there wasn’t any for me. I hung around in blackness and whiteness – they all seemed the same for a dead man. There are no colors, not even black nor white. The world of the dead is smudged, colorless, and, as you might have figured, lifeless.

But something happened… something strange happened.

I woke up in the morgue. I didn’t feel much pain – but I didn’t feel myself alive either. Cold and barefoot, I looked in the mirror, only to see parts of my skull cut open, and a tag nailed into my right temple. The paper read “Brain hemorrhage, followed by isolated explosions”. Hmmph.

I felt hungry.

zombie by DustMyLemonLies Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story
hungry knows no looks

There was no food around. I remembered I put a snack bar in my jeans. I looked around the cabinets, and rifled through other people’s items. You’d be surprised what they keep in their jeans, them people.

I found a paper in my jeans with “Airway Bill” and a number written on it, as well as what appeared to be a phone number. I scratched my head – my exposed brain rather – and to my dismay half of my brain plopped on the ground.

Hungry, eat must I, thinks me. Foods be must here, not, know not I, speak must eat food. Look squishy brain floor. Not too squishy. Cut, open people, not fresh. Must fresh eat. Number on paper, call, must, deli? Fresh.

“Hello, DHL how might I help you?” answer food, end other line.
“Directionssss”
“Yes sir you can find me in …”

Walk. Long walk. Slow, numb legs. Hate. Slow legs, hate I. I miss squishy squishy. Was faster with squishy. Must eat.

DHL. Red sign. Nice. Big. Not squishy. Glow. Glowwwws. Hm.

Walk in. Person. Horror face. He point me, half squishy gone. Full squishy he has. Smell good. Smelly squishy.

Brain by GlowsInTheDark Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story
must have squishy

“Braaaaaaaaains” squishy squishy.
“GRAAAAGH! HEELP! HEELP!” squishy squished.
munch munch munch
“Helloooooooooooooooooooooo,” squishy sez.
munch munch burp.
“Sir are you there?”

Huh?!

I snapped out. I was in the mall, my sister looking at my face and laughing. I realized I was talking to someone on the phone. The DHL guy.

“Yeah, I uh, sorry what did you say?”
“The shipment’s been damaged sir. What would you like us to do?”
“Just send me a damage report, screw the frame, if the photo is OK you can deliver it.”
“Will inform them sir and get back to you.”
“Ok thanks.”
“Welcome sir. And oh sir!”
“Yes?”
“Looks like your shipment was not insured, so the max you can claim from DHL is 100 dollars.”

I was pronounced dead on arrival, on a warm Monday evening at roughly 7 PM…

View Comments to “Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story”

  1. dubai jazz says:

    wow… that photo is awesome.

  2. asoom says:

    wal wal wal wal wal wal wal. Kul had 3ashan a damaged DHL package. Sometimes I worry about you, how are you going to go through the rest of life?

  3. sel3 says:

    Allah yer7amak

  4. vagueraz says:

    El soooooraaaaaaaaaaaaa kteeeeeeeeeeer
    btjanen
    :D

  5. MissNoName says:

    The picture is beautiful!! and so are Syrian alleys/streets/corners. They have so much history in them which you definitely don’t see in UAE(or any other gulf country for the matter).

    When it comes to DHL and their “excellent services”, there are always funny stories to tell! hehe :)

  6. KJ says:

    DJ -
    Thanks buddy :)

    Asoom -
    When you pay 435 dollars to ship it I think you’re gonna write at least 10 posts about it

    vagueraz -
    :D

    MissNoName -
    Thanks so much! Yes it will be the first and last time I ever use them

  7. Maioush says:

    Creepy post walak! or maybe I’m not fully awake yet!!

  8. za3tar says:

    hehehe … i wonder what book are you reading these days :-D

    Sucks about the damaged package though

  9. hamza says:

    :@ :@ :@.

    you have such a foul taste when it comes to harvesting squishies. First of all, that was a very tiny squishy but considering that you were talking to the DHL idiot who voluntarily sacrificed himself to deliver those news, I won’t blame you.

    and 2al shu..he still has the guts to say “that your shipment wasn’t insured”, you should have eaten his heart as well..:@

  10. KJ says:

    Maioush -
    LOL

    za3tar -
    I know! Am reading a nice book actually! Review coming up soon.

    Hamza -
    As if you have a better taste ya3ni :P btw I won’t ship the tshirt to you… you can pick it up when you come :P

  11. Ali says:

    oh how much I would enjoy passing by a DHL office and give them all the heat I have on not delievering that 400$ package

  12. [...] Woman: Hello sir welcome to Burger King would you like to try our new chocolate soufleh? KJ: No. Woma: Ok sir can I take your order? KJ: Sure. I want two chicken royale meals please. Woman: That’s all sir? KJ: *thinks* and a Hershey’s please. Woman: Why don’t you try the chocolate soufleh sir? KJ: H-e-r-s-h-e-y-s please *the I-will-maim-you-smile* Woman: Anything else sir? KJ: *thinks* Woman: Sir would you like to try our 6 pack burgers? KJ: No I am eating alone. Woman: O_O Woman: !!!! Woman: Sir, did you go to the American University of Sharjah? KJ: huh? Yeah… Woman: OMG! I knew it was you! You always order the same! KJ: O_O VN:F [1.3.2_665]ornabulate this bulbus!please wait…Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast) bulbus you may like: Hungry Zombie: A DHL Story… [...]

  13. samsunlin says:

    I feel very hungry now-_-

  14. [...] [1.4.8_745]ornabulate this bulbus!please wait…Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast) bulbus you may like: Hungry Zombie: A DHL StoryMy Genitals Are Glowing!People You Inevitably Meet in the [...]

  15. Amanda says:

    squishy squishy~~~ :3

Leave a Reply

blog comments powered by Disqus
Powered by WordPress | Designed by Elegant Themes