Excuse my title as it was taken from a short story written by a fellow student back in college.
Today I am sooooooo appaaaaaaaaaaallled beyond measure! And I feel truly and utterly miserable! And depressed!
My trainer told me that I need to eat LOW FAT FOOD.
WHAT THE HELL
IS HE EVEN LOOKING AT ME?!
Has he NO SENSE of perception!
I had NO idea my eyelash infection is contagious! That imbecile!
Trainer: Since I can’t give you cardio now, you need to eat less fat.
Me: but, but but… but! but… but! butter sandwiches man!
Trainer: I know
Me: Turkey triple cheese for breakfast!
Trainer: Yes I am well aware
Me: Pasta bolognese and chocolate mousse for lunch!
Trainer: What a loss, right?
Me: Three fried eggs and chicken ham mortadella with cheese sandwiches for dinner!
Trainer: Oh wouldn’t anyone wanna eat that before bed!
Me: STOP MOCKING ME!
Trainer: Am not! You need to control your fat to not make your belly larger!
And so with that, now I have to eat fat-free or fat-reduced stuff.
Trainer: Your diet doesn’t include vegetables.
Me: Burgers have the veggies I need.
Trainer: We need the fibre, and fruits.
Trainer: Yes fruits.
Me: What’s that?
Trainer: You’re an idiot.
Me: Dude! Tomato is a fruit, technically, and I eat it!
Trainer: You need to have fruits as well
Trainer: It’s time to get real
Me: No no YOU listen to me, you just want to torment me here!
Trainer: And you pay me for it, isn’t my job wonderful?!
So there you have it ladies and gents. Not only do I work in a basement for a boss who thinks February has 30 days, not only do I drive 4 hours a day to/from said basement, not only do I have eyelash infection – really, seriously, wth – and not only am I now girlfriendless, but now I also have to eat low fat food.
KILL ME NOW