Fat-holic in a Fat-phobic World

Excuse my title as it was taken from a short story written by a fellow student back in college.

Anyhow.

Today I am sooooooo appaaaaaaaaaaallled beyond measure! And I feel truly and utterly miserable! And depressed!

My trainer told me that I need to eat LOW FAT FOOD.

WHAT THE HELL

IS HE EVEN LOOKING AT ME?!

Has he NO SENSE of perception!

I had NO idea my eyelash infection is contagious! That imbecile!

Trainer: Since I can’t give you cardio now, you need to eat less fat.

Me: but, but but… but! but… but! butter sandwiches man!

Trainer: I know

Me: Turkey triple cheese for breakfast!

Trainer: Yes I am well aware

Me: Pasta bolognese and chocolate mousse for lunch!

Trainer: What a loss, right?

Me: Three fried eggs and chicken ham mortadella with cheese sandwiches for dinner!

Trainer: Oh wouldn’t anyone wanna eat that before bed!

Me: STOP MOCKING ME!

Trainer: Am not! You need to control your fat to not make your belly larger!

Me: GAARGH!

And so with that, now I have to eat fat-free or fat-reduced stuff.

Oh, and:

Trainer: Your diet doesn’t include vegetables.

Me: Burgers have the veggies I need.

Trainer: We need the fibre, and fruits.

Me: Fruits?

Trainer: Yes fruits.

Me: What’s that?

Trainer: You’re an idiot.

Me: Dude! Tomato is a fruit, technically, and I eat it!

Trainer: You need to have fruits as well

Me: HEY!

Trainer: It’s time to get real

Me: No no YOU listen to me, you just want to torment me here!

Trainer: And you pay me for it, isn’t my job wonderful?!

So there you have it ladies and gents. Not only do I work in a basement for a boss who thinks February has 30 days, not only do I drive 4 hours a day to/from said basement, not only do I have eyelash infection – really, seriously, wth – and not only am I now girlfriendless, but now I also have to eat low fat food.

KILL ME NOW

PS: for those of you who made fun of my Moogwich (moryarti, Qwaider, Qabbani) you’re all signed up for a world of hell from me :P You stupid fat people.

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