It sucks being a “perfectionist”. It really does.
It sucks because I can’t settle for anything “less”. While I am fully aware that nothing is perfect (in the sense of completeness), I do believe that everything is perfect as-is. Too bad that my expectations bar is pretty high up. Self contradiction at its finest!
My lofty expectations of everything always depress me. I have tried مراراً وتكراراً to حط عقلي براسي but it always ends up in [إملأ الفراغ هنا]. I don’t want to reiterate what Maioush said so you could go read it here.
Piles of self-proclaimed “self help” books line up precious space that should have been utilized to hold the novels I stopped reading. My English literacy has dropped, my sentences are all grammatically incorrect (so people in the office can understand what I am saying), and my IQ dipped to the point I can’t finish a Sudoku when I used to solve it with my feet.
My attempts to lower my expectations have created an ironic scenario, where my self esteem has been diminished and my thinking has shifted to “not deserving it all” instead of “fight to get it all, and dust the place when you’re done”. With my non-existent IQ and Engrizi, my self-esteem has been booted to oblivion.
It’s almost hypocritical that when I previewd the post, the “bulbus you may like” showed the personal reinvention plan I followed last year. Probably I need to shave my head again and I would feel optimistic for no reason. All this when I forgot that my life was pretty perfect and balanced the way it was before I tried to make it even better. So much for perfectionism… I walled up myself into this misery. Perfectly I might add!
No wonder they put my isolated office in the basement.