And When Mom Arrived…

“Mom!” I gasp in a mixture of all possible human emotions known to man. She stands there looking hotter than Angelina Jolie. “Wooow you sure look hot tonight!”

“Oh Kinan darling, you little rascal you,” she eyes me naughtily as she enters the newly cleaned apartment. She instantly stops to stare at the empty pizza box on the dining table.

“I…I just had dinner mom,” I choke through the words as I remove the offensive box from her sight. She always gave me lectures on –

“How many times have I told you not to eat junk food? It is so unhealthy! You saw what happened to Flan. He has more cholesterol than red body cells.”

“Blood cells,” I correct.

“Whatever they are called!”

“Mom I was starving because I was working for six hours on my projects and – ”

SIX STRAIGHT HOURS!” she gasps, her hands on her chest. “Honey you are not a machine! You need to rest! You need to – ”

“Get my projects done mom. They are due next Monday,” I say as I sit down helplessly on the couch.

“Well, I will go get something to drink,” she says. Before I can take in the information and stop her from entering the horrendous kitchen – “EEEEEK! Kinan A. Jarjous, how can you explain this? Where are your manners?! Is this what we taught you to do at home?” she points at the heap of laundry on the floor I forgot to put in earlier today.

“Mom please, don’t start…” I beg her.

“I am going to leave a note for your cleaning lady,” she says, pen and paper already out. She doesn’t know I have no cleaning lady. I give up and go back to the living room. Mom follows suit in a few minutes and sits next to me. I put my arm around her and kiss her forehead, trying to muffle down the reasons she came here for.

“So how is my dad?” I ask, trying to let her lose tracks of her own thoughts.

“He is ok,” she says smiling.  “Well, I came here to talk about your future.”

What? How you are going to be a part of every little thing in my life? Get married on my behalf?

“Oh,” is all I offer.

“Well, you see, I don’t like the way things are shaping up dear. You are going through something at your work – ” God mom it’s just ranting! “ – your car is not spotless – ” it’s MY car and it’s MY rule that it is OCD-Unfriendly “ – and you have very odd friends – ” damn you Moogle “ – and I cannot believe you still don’t have a girlfriend! People your age are already fathers!” She puts her fingertips on her necklace, as if she is emphasizing her need to have grandchildren.

So I guess you know what the next post is about: Avoiding Bride Shopping, Round 2!!!!