Jar of Juice

So I got a list via email which entails some “precautions” I should take to ensure my safety. Reading it made me feel like I am in a Nazi camp. I present you some of the points mentioned – with spelling errors – enjoy and pray for me!

Please follow the charts on the walls directing towards safe exit form the building incase of any accident. [yes because in the case of an accident I will have the luxury to read maps]

Please use the fire break glass panels in order to make an emergency exit due to fire or any hazardous incident. [so basically the emergency exit won't open until I break the glass? What if the thing was on fire?]

There will be two exit doors in every room that we will work in, please ensure that during your stay in any of the rooms both the doors are kept open and you can make an emergency exit from the nearest door. [OK if all the doors are open why do I have to break glass and risk infection and irreparable damage to my hands to open an exit?]

We will disable the GAS SUPPRESSION button during the time period wile people are working on site due to the safety of everyone there, because an accident can occur by deliberate/accident release of hazardous gas while room is occupied. (PLEASE MAKE SURE OF THAT BEFORE STARTING THE WORK) [*puts Moogle on a leash*]

We will put the manual fire extinguisher in every room for safety from fire. [yes preferably on our side of the fire]

As there is work being carried out on site, we will try our best that there are no holes left in the floor, but in case there are any then you better stay on a watch out, because it might cause a limb/head injury from a trip or fall. [great, so basically we have holes in the ground, a fire loose as well as fatal gas. So much to escape from in so little time! Might as well put the "break glass button" underneath a tile in some hole]

Please inform the shift in-charge if you see anything hazardous to health and safety e.g. smokes detectors not showing the signs of being ACTIVE. [yes because a smoke detector is hazardous to safety]

We are trying to provide internal A/C control so that the occupants can control the temperature according to there convenience, otherwise it might cause illness from overheating or influenza due to excessive temperatures. [I guess by now temperature should be the least of my worries]

While working please ensure there is enough lighting in the room, to avoid any falls or injuries due to darkness. [oh great, so not only is the route to the exit potted with holes, with fatal gases, with fire around as well as extreme temperatures, but I also have to do all this in THE DARK?!?! Good grief!]

Farewell.