March, 2008

Meet the Super Cow

These cows are not the products of steroids – supposedly – but rather a product of “natural” (genetic) selection. By selecting the “best of the bunch” of cows and mating them, the more desirable traits appear consistently and the undesirable traits fade away.

Seeing these cows makes me sick in the stomach – even though the “scientists” are reassuring they taste like the other regular cows. I’m not so sure – but I certainly believe that in a few years your McDonald’s patties will come from these cows.

I wonder what they’d do to chicken…

KJ Returns

What the FUCK happened here!

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE COME HERE NOW.

yes kupo! what is it!

What is this? *points to hideous photo*

Oh… that… well… uh…

Uh?

Uh… yes uh! I am nominating myself for the US Presidency.

Yes they DO need more animals and as if that video is going to help!!!

Yes.. um.. uh…

What is that you’re hiding?

Oh, this? Nothing *hides Valium needle*

Listen you stupid fluffball, I swear I will feed you to the Earth Wyrm if you ever do anything stupid again ok?

Yes… “master”..

What’s that you say?

Nothing! Kupo! *bounces off onto some grass sheepishly*

Hmm… he makes a good marshmallow

*twitches ears* EEEEE! *runs away*

KJ Status: functioning at 500%. Except in office.

KJ Status Update

KJ has been diagnosed with several illnesses all related to stress. For the past three weeks he has been suffering from constant headache, recurring nightmares, neck pain, stomach pain, back pain, and some fatigue.

Thankfully, one of his main stressors – work – has been partially resolved which alleviated most of the nightmares as well as the neck and back pain.

Another ethical issue he has been struggling with for two weeks has also been resolved, which reduced some of his obsessions. Unfortunately now he is more fatigued and has diarrhea as well as greatly reduced appetite.

We “pray” that his stress levels get significantly reduced so he can resume normal functionality. We forecast substantial improvement over the course of the next few days as Crisis Core nears release, where he shall be reunited with the world that made him be after 11 years of separation.

KJ is currently 48% operational, and is expected to resume normal functions within one week.

In the meantime, the “new management” shall be “reorganizing” and “redecorating” KJ’s blog.

Regards,
KISSME Management
Moogle

Moogle Thoughts Issue #5 – On Global Warming

I have managed to come up with the ultimate solution to Global Warming! But first let me alter KJ’s profile picture…

mihmihmih

Ahem.

After LOTS of studying and CAREFUL RESEARCH I have come up with a list of solutions to global warming! But nothing beats the number one solution!!!! It is based on the “scientific” theories on global warming:
theory K - too much sunlight
theory U – big fat ozone hole
theory P – people make lots of bad gas
theory O – no one wants to pay

Kupo! As we can see, the main problem here is theory K. Because sunlight = heat and heat = ice melting = water up = humans drown = no more moogle infestation.

So after a lot of doodling, my proposal is as follows:
Mirrors!

Yes, kupo, see, this is how things go.

As you can see from my illustration, sun goes in but not out. Light heats stupid planet, fries people, etc.

With the use of mirrors, we can REFLECT the light!

Yes yes.

We install mirrors on the top of buildings. We don’t have to put mirrors on EVERY building, around 20-25% per city will be good! Imagine! a 20% drop in temperature!!!

With the use of mirrors, we achieve the following:
M – less ultraviolet light!
I – less heat!
R – reflected light blinds incoming aliens!
R – reflected light makes our planet a STAR!!!
O – cost effective!
R – easy to clean!

What do you think?! Vote me as blog owner!

Handover to Moogle

Dear subscribers,

KJ is going mental concerning family issues, self issues, friends issues, and work-related issues (yup, all together). To prevent bulbus explosion, he shall be quarantined until further notice.

In the meantime, please welcome Moogle as your host while KJ is “rejuvenating”.

We “apologize” for this “inconvenience”.

Imbeciles….

Best Regards,
Management
KISSME (Kinan’s International Social Services Middle East)

LEGAL NOTICE
Indondri fla, ulayaya maha, mohosta. Uuuni flem faleili leili fla mohinti applicable law of country fendisti omaruki sto.
Meny mahe fanis samilo stan, thirty years in solitary confinement moristo qualinospi tols.

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