Moogle Thoughts Issue #4 Special Edition - On KJ’s Wedding

What is wrong with this keyboard?

*observes sticky keys*

Ugh, KJ is disgusting, I don’t know how he finds entertainment in naked people! How can they not be cold, naked in this weather! I think KJ is a sadistic person.

Anyway… *closes windows with nude people in them*… now that KJ is in the shower, it is time to put my plans forth on annihilating him and his friends in the wedding. He mocked me Moogle for too long now! It is time to exact my Kupolized Revenge.

But first things first… I have to dress up appropriately for this assassination. No evil plan is worth going through if there is no attire to go along with it. Isn’t that right! So here I reveal to you my Attire of Divine Revengeful Assasination, Inc.

It is a bit tight, however, thanks to its Ergonomic Design, the carrots provide the dual role of Shurikens as well as Rations for the Hungry in Dire Need. Unfortunately the gloves render my hands clumsy.

I shall now share my uber plan with you. Let me bring forth my Assasination Sketchbook Limited Edition (crayon box as freebie! woohoo!). Opening the pages reveal the three most prominent attendees, from my side, to KJ’s doomed wedding:

KJ wants to do his wedding on the enormous heli-pad of Burj Al Arab. It is a most excellent choice! The perfect assassination setting: High building surrounded by waters! I shall place Nessie in the water and the Dragons hovering above her in circles. I shall explain later on how they come into play.

But first things first. People who are Unworthy are to be placed on the outer ring of the heli-pad. First, they provide an easy target for “accidental” shoving over to oblivion below. Yes yes vile and cruel indeed. I only wish KJ would be dispensed that easily, but he shall face a most gruesome adversary later on.

Now that all the Infidels are on the outer edge, it is time to bring out my MoogCopter. It shall hover just at the right height, and such that the blades are inside the heli-pad. That way, I only need to circle the heli-pad once to decapitate all of those hapless idiots. Please refer to my expertly drawn sketch for reference.

The area in red are the now-decapitated people. However, the people in the yellow area would have witnessed this Act of Cleansing. Therefore, they must be promptly disposed of - as well as the decapitated corpses in the red section.

To do this, I would have, prior to the wedding, skillfully installed remote-controlled hinges below the heli-pad. Upon the precise pressing of an unusually large red button, the red and yellow sections shall flip vertically and all people would fall into a spiked trap below. The Dragons can feed upon them, if they please, when it is time for the buffet. The buffet is also the perfect time to eat my carrot ration.

To get rid of the rest, I shall wait until it is time for the Hapless Bride to throw her bouquet. Given that it is traditional that all senile and single men and women gather for this event, I shall make it an Event of Remembrance - too bad they won’t live too long to remember it happily.

Please refer to my detailed illustration as I explain to you the steps.

As you can see, step 1 involves sending people into a projectile across. This is done as follows. The previous night I would have installed the Spring of Death underneath the H formation in the heli-pad - which holds the last surviving people. KJ and his wife will not be affected by this - they have a more deserving death.

As soon as KJ’s wife throws the bouquet and the people rush to it, the Spring of Death shall activate, launching everyone on the platform over the building. With my precise mathematical calculation - given decent wind conditions - they shall be projected onto the flying dragons, who, after having had their feed from the spikes during the buffet, shall now burp their flames on the oncoming crowd, sending them well done or medium-rare to Nessie, according to her taste. I would have taken her preference proper prior to the event.

Now that KJ is finally alone with his soon-to-be-widow, and now that I would have completed successfully my Transformation Ascension to the Dark Side, I shall reveal my final form as Darth Kupo.

It is then that I fight bravely and exact my revenge upon KJ, for mocking me all these years, for confining me in the limits of his ridiculous “intelligent” brain leftovers, and for subjecting me to countless hours of human nudity. We will have a Battle of Epic Proportions and I shall use The Force to manipulate the dragons into kidnapping his Damsel in Distress - like all heroic stories are written. Too bad though that I shall triumph this time. Any suggestions on what to do with the newly widowed bride is welcome.

BWA AHHAHAHAHHAHA

Ahem.

Alright, now none of you shall inform KJ of my evil doings. He is now leaving the shower and I have to act all cute and naive again.

*hurries away to hide his sketches*

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Posted in: humor, moogle thoughts

20 Responses to “Moogle Thoughts Issue #4 Special Edition - On KJ’s Wedding”

Hamza mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 1:19 pm

wow..I dunno from where to start.
1- given that KJ sucks at math, i highly doubt that you’d be any better. Even your sketch is faulty. With “x” being a curved line, That’s not even a right-angled triangle. So I am afraid your projectile plan needs a re-work.

2- while the idea of decapitating the people with chopper is magnificant, I question its feasibility. We are both aware that KJ has many gay fans (because of his history as a ex-russian prostitute). You have to guard against the potential of seeing one of them climb on your MoogCopter and attempt anything heroic. I suggest using a kupolized ForceField on your MoogCopter.

3- KJ has secretly informed me that he plans his wedding to be extraordinary by making it in an anti-gravity environment where gravity is maintained at a constant value where people are barely touching the ground. Thus, the attempted massacre of feeding the guests located on the Helipad to the dragons would be jeopradized.

4- As for the bride, I’d be grateful if you do a little of slicing and dicing and ship her to me in a body bag. She’d be very useful in decorating the dam I am building in Halloween town.

Your friend,
Beaver

Qwaider قويدر mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 2:34 pm

I’m telling KJ!
The oppression of the dark side will never return. I’m coming after you with whatever Jedi we have left! And you won’t have time to execute order 66 by the time we’re done with you ..

omar mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Kinan is getting married? and I’m not invited?

hmm, I shall bring Memepoora and he will challenge you to death!

abufares mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 7:36 pm

Moogle
I think I like you better than KJ. But, of course don’t tell him.

Kaileena mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 pm

First time we meet, moogle! I like the way you think! I’ll be around if you need any ideas or help with, ehm, math..

KJ mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 9:50 pm

Hamza - LOOOOOOOOL

1 - the X is not on the curve, the illustration was as so.

2 - I am sure KJ’s fan club has diminished by now. No one listens to his Russian accent anymore except his Russian friends!

3 - The bastard!

4 - Yes yes indeed… Halloween Town will be wonderful

KJ mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Qu - We both know that evil finds a way Otherwise you goody-two-shoed people won’t have a reason to exist!

Omar - hehehe… no not now he isn’t! I shall kidnap Meme and take him as hostage so you better start saving money for the ransom

KJ mumbled on February 2nd, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Abufares -
I won’t tell if you won’t tell

Kaileena -
Hello there! Yes I probably need some help in math, as Hamza pointed out. I blame it all on KJ…. his last math he took was grade 9! I have no idea how he is employed at the moment!

Ghasheema mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 8:49 am

Burj al-arab eh

I will take that risk and attend your wedding

deadly and cute….I love moogle

if he were to kill you..you should die smiling for that matter

N. mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 am

lol! insaneeee and LOOOL @ Hamza!!!

Kinano mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 11:00 am

Moogle

You have joined My CADness’ Dark Legions at last.

KJ is ridiculously annoying, I suggest cookery and cannibalism in his demise - if you may revise your plan that is

Welcome To The Dark Side

LiLaCs mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 12:17 pm

lol! alrighty then. Moogle is brillant. The entry and the comments are priceless.

Ms Loala mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 1:36 pm

That is one pathetic plan moogle!

Care to play with my hamster instead?

7aki Fadi mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 5:26 pm

Moogle, when KJ dies you’ll need a new host since you live in his head, you have any plans? I suggest you invite Hamza and take over his life, MWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

KJ mumbled on February 3rd, 2008 at 10:44 pm

Ghasheema - LOOOOL, yes I will definitely die smiling! hahah

N. - hehehe

Kinano - Yes, KJ must be obliterated irrecoverably.

LiLaCs - thanks glad you liked it!

Ms Loala - LOOOOOOOL, hamsters belong in cages!

7aki - Of course I need a new host… a fadi host.. an 7aki fadi host… *eyes 7aki fadi*

elijah mumbled on February 4th, 2008 at 5:18 pm

Frogzie can help by jumping onto the guests faces, that way we distract them and moogle begins his master plan

asoom mumbled on February 4th, 2008 at 9:27 pm

Moogle’s plan was hard for me to follow Just poison the cake or something.

KJ mumbled on February 4th, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Elijah - Frogzie must beware of “miscalculated” shurikens

assom - loooooool! And this is written! I hope you do well on oral-based lectures in school!

Crystal - I am sorry I had to delete your comment… these types of things are not the kind of stuff I would like on my page! But you can repost the first sentence of your comment, about the moon thing. Sorry for deletion… I hope you understand

Bella Crystal mumbled on February 4th, 2008 at 10:16 pm

I suggest a trip to the moon for KJ and his bride.

And no I do not understand why you deleteted what I wrote.

But I like you anyway,you have such a way with words KJ,and I hope you don’t mind me telling you that I think you are so “cute”,both,in the way you look and write.

And apologies are accepted by yours truly,that is to say by “moi”,Bella Crystal,herself.I wink at my laptop.

Angelo mumbled on February 7th, 2008 at 10:03 am

Awesome, then allow me to introduce you to my moogle. He wants to have a word with you.

Kupo, if you want to kill KJ then I have a master plan that no one will ever suspect you. It’s simple kupo. Make sure you drag KJ on an adventure, you know, one a caravan journey kupo. Since the world is covered in miasma and since you are responsible to hold the crystal chalice for him, then wait until he gets distracted then run away from with the chalice while he’s suffocating from the miasma and being pounded by the monsters. Muwahahahaha, it’s very genius kupo.

NOTE: My moogle comes from the land of FF: Crystal Chronicles.

Master Bulbus Abrainus

Kinan Jarjous
Dubai, United Arab Emirates
Moogle
LaLa Land, KJ's Head

Bulbus Abrainus: 1. (noun) A round structure that litters the brain. A Balbus Abrainus will produce invigorating juices that are guaranteed to make your head explode.

random bulbus

Total Absurdity I

I decided for this blog entry to feature some totally ABSURD things in the universe, and there are a lot more to come (hence the number “I” in the subject). We all need some laughs and the world is really dumb enough to provide us with all the laughter.
Yes - this is what stress and [...]

take me to said bulbus!