- Your nose and ears never stop growing!
- Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.
- If you keep a goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
- Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
- If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. I’m gonna start today :D
- The dot that appears over the letter “i” is called a tittle.
- The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.
- Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.
- A perfect SAT score is 1600 combined. Bill Gates scored 1590 on his SAT. Paul Allen, Bill’s partner in Microsoft, scored a perfect 1600. Bill Cosby scored less than 500 combined.
- Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins.
- In California you are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.
- The Eiffel Tower shrinks 6 inches in winter.
- We forget 80 percent of what we learn everyday.
- Microsoft threatened 17 year old Mike Rowe with a lawsuit after the young man launched a website named MikeRoweSoft.com.
- Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
- 11,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
- One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it.
- About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they’re still sitting on it. I always have doubts about public toilets, do they have cameras?
- According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.
- If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter “A”.
- Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.
- Superman is featured on every episode of “Seinfeld”, either by name or pictures on Jerry’s refrigerator.
- 85% of the men who cheat on their wives die while having sex.
- Ants stretch when they wake up in the morning.
- During your lifetime, you’ll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That’s the weight of about 6 elephants.
- The world’s oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.
- Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
- In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can’t flow.
- A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h. I know people who sneeze much much faster
- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
They’re horrible creatures who we men have to live with. They force us to put the toilet seat cover down, to aim properly, to read maps, to be on time, and to last with them for hours. Then they expect us to give them money for it, give them a house and car and jewels, and all this stupid cuddling crap.
But some other women settle for other things, like the following. Click on the titles to be magically transported to the main article.WOMAN ARRESTED OVER BODY PARTS IN FRIDGE Tired of your husband? Dispute over the house? Easy solution: If he wants the house, he can keep it. Chop him into 11 pieces and put him in the fridge, then sell the house. You kept the money and he kept the house. Brilliant! EVEN IN DEATH WE WON’T PART So you don’t really hate your husband, you love him too deeply. Solution? After he dies, keep the body with you at home. For years. Don’t forget to occasionally remove the worms attempting to eat him. DON’T ONLY KEEP DEAD HUSBANDS – KEEP YOUR FAMILY TOO So your family memebers also eventually die off. You can’t possibly arrange funerals all the time right? It is financially difficult plus not keeping them at home makes you feel alone in the world. But, hey, Egyptians keep the dead intact right? So why not pull it off at your home too. Mummify and keep the corpses. Happy family!
OMG A THIEF!!
Or is it? Apparently this woman needs glasses, as she thought that a stuffed teddy bear in the car is actually a thief, who, strangely, remained still until police arrived.
OMG A THIEF 2!!!
Not all women are idiots when it comes to thieves, like this grandma. A guy wants to steal her car – being an old woman of course – but he is taken by surprise as she karate’s him into the car and locks him inside until the police come.
YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?
Husbands are annoying creatures. Ex-husbands are even more annoying! Seriously they get on everyone’s nerves. Time to teach him a lesson: Set his most valuable body part on fire. That should do it!
WOMEN AND MEN ARE EQUAL
For men and women to be equal, the same rule must apply to both, right? So we find it strange when this woman, who wants to enroll herself in one of those bull marathons, orders that the bulls be replaced by cows.
Now to be fair, next issue will be about Odd Men :P
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[and I don’t know why it is a big deal]
Next up, I thought of doing a comic myself. I mean, I HAVE done it before. I thought first I’d draw it on paper, then scan it and convert it to vectors and continue from there. But I don’t have a scanner, but I do have a cam. So I did that but it turned out to be hideous and not up to what I had imagined either. The comic was supposed to display a big bulbus being worshiped by little bulbi. In the first pane, the big bulbus will be on, in the next pane it will be off, with the little bulbi saying “awwwwwwwwww”. Then it turns on again, and they say “aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!”, and then it turns off. In the last pane it shows Moogle trying valiantly to turn on the power supply to the Xbox cable.
But then while I was reading some comics I have for further inspiration, I came across the above image, and I thought, PERFECT!
Although I promised not to bore you with stats, I thought it will be interesting to know that the major keywords that lead to my blog are:
die hard 4.0 operating system (seriously?)
masturbate with me (no comment)
sex with boss in dubai (fascinating)
i forgot to add olive oil on my pasta for 15 minutes help
drink my cum bitch from jar (Allahumma enni sa2em)
KJ: Yup, it is.
Moogle: You are JOKING! You know what that means?!
KJ: People are actually burning while I have to sit here with you.
Moogle: That’s a terrible thing to say!
KJ: Would you like me to set you on fire instead?
Moogle: You’re horrible.
KJ: I am just hungry.
Moogle: I want Nescafe.
Moogle: But kupo there are TEENS over there hanging out by the Nescafe machine.
KJ: You noticed too? Of all places to hang out in, they choose a hospital.
Moogle: So what will you do while you wait for your sister?
KJ: Nothing. Please please don’t tell me you have something in mind.
Moogle: Well I was thinking, since your abilities to score with women is below Black Sea level, you’d want to befriend people here.
KJ: Nurses from a [specific region I won’t type to not cause offence]? You must be kidding.
Moogle: No no not the nurses. See, there are a lot of women here who must have come with their husbands.
Moogle: Well if the husband dies, the now-widow needs a shoulder to cry on.
KJ: THEY ARE TWICE MY GRANDMOTHER’S AGE!
Moogle: But there are two I saw who are young.
KJ: Yeah I saw them.
Moogle: I am definitie it will work. Kupo, the hospital as their SECRET STRONGHOLD. Women COME here to get picked up by caring soon-to-be husbands and fathers! It is maternal instinct.
KJ: You want to know what’s my instinct towards this now?
Moogle: Will I like it?
Moogle: The ravioli looks amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing! You are impressive!
Moogle: Let your sis taste it lest you want to break your fast!
KJ: Yes yes.
Moogle: Oh, you know what would be EVIL.
KJ: You KNOW evil?!?!
Moogle: Shut up. Put a lot of salt in the spoon first.
KJ: Now I like you.
Moogle: This should be interesting.
KJ: Yup yup.
Moogle: Here it goes.
Moogle: That didn’t go well.
KJ: This is all your fault. LOOK AT MY DETTOL POLISHED FLOOR NOW COVERED IN AN OVERTURNED ALFREDO SAUCEPAN!!!
Moogle: Hey don’t blame it on me! I didn’t tell you it was a great idea, just evil!
KJ: No XBOX for you tonight.
Moogle: You know you’re bluffing.
KJ: I know.
Moogle: Do you still like Medusa?
Moogle: The one.
KJ: No. You’re disgusting she is married with kids!
Moogle: But kupo, see, you only need to show her you are better than her husband.
Moogle: And then she’d divorce him, sell her kids to him and she will be all yours!
KJ: You don’t SELL kids!
Moogle: In China they do!
KJ: Oh, so you actually have HEARD of China
Moogle: Come on I am not THAT ignorant!
KJ: So what’s China known for?
Moogle: Chi Wa Wa
KJ: Chi what now?
Moogle: You know, the dog.
KJ: That thing isn’t CHINESE you stupid furball!
Moogle: The one I know is.
KJ: I am NOT having this conversation.
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Who hates Mondays? We all do. Actually Sundays in this part of the world. But in any case, here is some absurd news that made headlines to cheer you up.
So you own an airline company and one of your planes has always been jinxed, troubled beyond trouble and might get into the Wikipedia as one of those (if not the most) malfunctional pieces of equipment ever created by man. Yet you’d lose business if it doesn’t fly, and if it does fly you’d lose people. And you don’t have the money to fix it. What a pickle! So what do you do? Simple: Sacrifice two goats to please the sky gods and everything will be fine. Although you might be laughing now, it actually worked. Talk about supernatural powers of goats!
Assuming you have a proper plane, you get another problem on your hands: The passengers. No no, not those who arrive last minute, but the ones who want to shuffle seats. I mean, everyone does that, right? Well it appears that the person in question had too many relative females who are seated next to unknown men. Gee, and I thought on a plane everyone knew the other! Three hours later the guy and his infinite number of female relatives got off the plane and all the other passengers missed their connecting flights.
To many people this is a curse, but to one particular person it was amusing. They inherited Paris Hilton’s number. Swell.
So tax is a big thing apparantly. Here in the Middle East we don’t worry about such things of course, since everything is overpriced by default anyway. However this Japanese woman thought of a brilliant idea: Use your relative’s names so that the government thinks your income is negligible and avoid tax. Thankfully her fine was only a margin of what she made out of her 60-year plot, which is amusing in and of itself.
It is a simple thing, really, when you don’t want to pay for an item. You just shoplift it, right? Experienced shoplifters (read: Brits) can live for years without any sort of income but live a high-end life with LCD HDTVs, a full supply of groceries and probably even borrowed children. What these shoplifter should teach the new generation is that, when you steal, please don’t go back to the store and ask for an exchange.
I Am Bored. Let’s Save A Shark!
You’re a bored lifeguard. You hear a commotion. Certainly, there must be a problem. Someone drowning. You run to the location and you see people frantically trying to escape a shark. What do you do? Save the shark!