Anti Abuse Day: Guilt


I have received through several blog rolls and groups that today, in the blogosphere, is to be Anti Abuse Day. I found it a topic worth writing about and I would certainly be pleased to bring awareness to the public about abuse and being abused.

I won’t talk about sexual abuse, about molestation, political or physical abuse. I want to talk about a very subtle form of abuse – subtle, yet chronically damaging. I want to talk about mental abuse.

We are exposed to this horrific form of abuse every single day without knowing it. I am definite that you all felt some form of it. Mental abuse attacks you when you least or when you most expect it. There is nothing you can do about it, and, regardless of your valiant attempt to challenge it, you can’t feel but assaulted.

One of the simplest form of mental abuse (and most frequent, in my opinion), is guilt. By definition, “In psychology and ordinary language, guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something one believes one should not have done (or, conversely, not having done something one believes one should have done). It gives rise to a feeling that does not go away easily, driven by conscience. Sigmund Freud described this as the result of a struggle between the ego and the superego parental imprinting. Guilt and its causes, merits, and also demerits is a common theme in psychology and psychiatry. It is often associated with depression”.

Making others feel guilty is one of the harshest forms of abuse, not because of its magnitude but because of its frequency. Guilt is unfortunately a necessary emotion that we have to endure every now and then. It is through guilt that most people of religious power preach with (although I myself find a distinction between religion and religious people). It is through guilt (crime and punishment) that parents teach kids to not be harmful of others and not to raid the fridge for candy (I certainly got a lot of the latter). It is through guilt that many people commit (on or be committed to) honor killings (in Jordan and Japan). From the article, “Some thinkers have theorized that guilt is used as a tool of social control. Since guilty people feel they are undeserving, they are less likely to assert their rights and prerogatives. Thus, those in power seek to cultivate a sense of guilt among the populace, in order to make them more tractable”.

It is saddening when people do not understand the power of their guilt-inducing words when they utter them. Of course, the assailant almost never takes into account the other person’s feelings. It is their fault anyway, right? Why feel guilty when someone else should. Here you sit, blaming others for everything going wrong in their lives and yours. Everyone is guilty of something and we all carry this burden through our lives, and wear it down with ourselves.

Don’t accuse people blindly. You may hit a wall with many nails… but when you remove the nails, the wall will remain damaged. You can’t simply repair it and assume everything is fine.

  • ammaro.com

    correct; most people say things without considering the consequences of their actions, perhaps its time to think before you blurt something out

  • ammaro.com

    correct; most people say things without considering the consequences of their actions, perhaps its time to think before you blurt something out

  • Hamza

    is it anti-abuse day?

    I thought its hug day. Check facebook..its all over the place.

    Guilt is the worst negative feeling in the world. If there is anything that might jeopradize my life, its this feeling. The tendency of being extra-careful of your actions to others while you degrade yourself each time you feel guilty is such a suffocating pain that might hinder the progress of your norma life.

  • Hamza

    is it anti-abuse day?I thought its hug day. Check facebook..its all over the place.Guilt is the worst negative feeling in the world. If there is anything that might jeopradize my life, its this feeling. The tendency of being extra-careful of your actions to others while you degrade yourself each time you feel guilty is such a suffocating pain that might hinder the progress of your norma life.

  • abufares

    KJ
    I confess… I’m guilty as charged.
    Seriously. Your post is right on. There’s nothing I hate more than people who propagate this loathsome emotion for their own agenda, whether personal or general.

  • abufares

    KJI confess… I’m guilty as charged.Seriously. Your post is right on. There’s nothing I hate more than people who propagate this loathsome emotion for their own agenda, whether personal or general.

  • The Observer

    It is a bad feeling to feel guilty.

    There is a friend of mine who always plays this card and make a drama for everyone and make them guilty for something they barely did!

    I’ll start highlighting his actions to him and ask him to stop abusing me with his guilt tricks.

  • The Observer

    It is a bad feeling to feel guilty.There is a friend of mine who always plays this card and make a drama for everyone and make them guilty for something they barely did!I’ll start highlighting his actions to him and ask him to stop abusing me with his guilt tricks.

  • eshda3wa

    very very interesting

    i never heard of anti-abuse day

    and dont get me started on guilt!
    i think it is the most distructive of emotion

    and mental abuse, unlike physical
    cant really be detected like physical abuse
    although in my opinion its more distructive
    but how many ppl did u hear of were charged with mentally abusing someone?

    the world can be a cruel place

  • eshda3wa

    very very interestingi never heard of anti-abuse dayand dont get me started on guilt!i think it is the most distructive of emotionand mental abuse, unlike physicalcant really be detected like physical abusealthough in my opinion its more distructivebut how many ppl did u hear of were charged with mentally abusing someone?the world can be a cruel place

  • Kinano

    I have said good bye for feeling guilty years back.

    I found out, first hand, that nothing good would come out from feeling guilty about something you’ve done or haven’t done. Might as well just get rid of it and live well.

    It’s hindering to one’s growth, at least this is how I see it.

    I do admit that now I am more evil, mean and sneaky but only towards those who are deserving.

    Word of advice: Do not attempt to guilt-trip. It won’t work :P

  • Kinano

    I have said good bye for feeling guilty years back. I found out, first hand, that nothing good would come out from feeling guilty about something you’ve done or haven’t done. Might as well just get rid of it and live well. It’s hindering to one’s growth, at least this is how I see it. I do admit that now I am more evil, mean and sneaky but only towards those who are deserving. Word of advice: Do not attempt to guilt-trip. It won’t work :P

  • Ms Loala

    Feeling guilty is a sign of life and a healing mid for those who are willing to repent. I can’t see why it can be somtimes a bad thing.

    Frankly i hate feeling guilty but i love making others do :P

  • Ms Loala

    Feeling guilty is a sign of life and a healing mid for those who are willing to repent. I can’t see why it can be somtimes a bad thing.Frankly i hate feeling guilty but i love making others do :P

  • Elijah

    It is especially interesting when you’re observing a married couple that do that. They just throw in a word or two within the whole conversation to make their spouse feel like the worst person on Earth. It’s sad really.

    I’m glad I haven’t felt guilty in a while.

  • Elijah

    It is especially interesting when you’re observing a married couple that do that. They just throw in a word or two within the whole conversation to make their spouse feel like the worst person on Earth. It’s sad really. I’m glad I haven’t felt guilty in a while.

  • KJ

    ammaro.com – But when you truly think of it, you can’t help it. Spontaneous outbursts of guilt is different from planned ones.

    Hamza – Yes I think so :S LoooL. It is the worst feeling in the world, true, and it hinders you. But it also unfortunately makes you grow into a different person who is sympathetic.

    Abu Fares – I agree with you, but the question is, what classifies as acceptable and non acceptable propagation?

    Observer – You should… people who tend to purposely make other people feel guilty are usually insecure and do not have direct control of their lives. So they blame whatever happens on everyone else.

    eshda3wa – The world is a cruel place if you would choose to look at it this way. I found out that I have been focusing on its negatives for far too long, which is unhealthy for my age.

    KI – yes indeed you have become the new definition of evil :P hehehe. I would like to view guilt in another way though, not discard it altogether. I would just want to feel guilty if indeed I was and for people who are deserving.

    Loala – you are evillllllllllll

    Elijah – yup, couples tend to do that a lot. This happens when one expresses love differently than what the partner expects the expression to be like.

  • KJ

    ammaro.com – But when you truly think of it, you can’t help it. Spontaneous outbursts of guilt is different from planned ones.Hamza – Yes I think so :S LoooL. It is the worst feeling in the world, true, and it hinders you. But it also unfortunately makes you grow into a different person who is sympathetic.Abu Fares – I agree with you, but the question is, what classifies as acceptable and non acceptable propagation?Observer – You should… people who tend to purposely make other people feel guilty are usually insecure and do not have direct control of their lives. So they blame whatever happens on everyone else.eshda3wa – The world is a cruel place if you would choose to look at it this way. I found out that I have been focusing on its negatives for far too long, which is unhealthy for my age.KI – yes indeed you have become the new definition of evil :P hehehe. I would like to view guilt in another way though, not discard it altogether. I would just want to feel guilty if indeed I was and for people who are deserving.Loala – you are evillllllllllllElijah – yup, couples tend to do that a lot. This happens when one expresses love differently than what the partner expects the expression to be like.