Profile of a Land Cruiser

Note: This is to be taken lightly and not as an accusation to Land Cruiser owners.

The Land Cruiser, scientifically named Toyolandus Fourbyfourcruiserum, is a species that belongs to the Machina kingdom. It is found universally, although it is more concentrated in the Gulf region and displays significantly different behavior from other Land Crusiers found worldwide.

Physical Appearance

The Land Cruiser belongs to the Machina SUV subkingdom and has an overall body resemblance to other Machina SUV. It features a long neck, with a broad face and aggressive eyes yet a gentle grill. The main body is often rectangularish, most often having tinted instead of regular windows. The rear of the Land Cruiser is often fat and bulky, but this is largely used for protection.

Social Behavior

The Land Cruiser has a wide range of behavior, but it is often characterized as annoying, stubborn and aggressive. This is espacially true when the Land Cruiser is confronted with lower Machina subkingdoms, but is also likely to display those behavioral patterns on other Machina SUVs.

The Land Cruiser always likes to have its way, and acts as though the path it is walking on is owned by the Land Cruiser. Hence, any other Machina in front of the Land Cruiser may be be prone to aggressive behavior. It is found that the Land Cruiser first “flashes” the unsuspecting prey by shooting Xenon powered beams at it. If unsuccessful, the enraged Land Cruiser may use a “bumper to bumper” approach, with it viciously approaching the other Machina, threatening the other Machina’s security. If the other Machina does not respond, the Land Cruiser can choose a different path and overtake the other Machina, thereafter slowing down in a threatening pose to the now-behind Machina. If the other Machina displays aggression, the Land Cruiser may come to a halt, where a battle commences between the Machina’s in physical and verbal forms.

Social Positions and Behavioral Correlations

The Land Cruiser is socially regarded as an upper class Machina, and therefor it expects that all other Machina succumb to its tyres. However, it has been noted that the behavior of the Machina changes as the Machina code (or license plate number) changes. Typically, Land Cruisers with a larger number display less aggressive behavior, with a few exceptions. Land Cruisers with a very low number (3 significant figures or less) display a far less aggressive behavior and are usually peaceful, unless threatened or are on a mission. Even in those situations, they are usually stubborn rather than aggressive, as they just want to get a specific job done.

The most dangerous Land Cruisers are the mid-ranged numbers. They are, in Machina terms, “young adults” and would display a large range of erratic behaviors.

Predators

The Land Cruisers does not have any predators in its class, however it only has one competitor, typically a Nissan Patrol (Nissanus Fourbyfourpatrolium). It does not typically pose a threat to the Land Cruiser, however, the two present on the same lane can spell disaster for other Machina.

Closing Comments

Make way. Don’t mess with the Land Cruiser.

  • Kinan

    Wisely and soooo truly said!

    I mean, they do demonstrate such behaviours :p

    LMAO @ bio-take on LCs! pretty cool :D

  • Kinan

    Wisely and soooo truly said! I mean, they do demonstrate such behaviours :pLMAO @ bio-take on LCs! pretty cool :D

  • Hamza

    There is indeed another predator you forgot about. its the HUMMER, scientifically named as Hummariaus GeneralusMotorius.

    I think that’s what I call the Dinosaur of all cars

  • Hamza

    There is indeed another predator you forgot about. its the HUMMER, scientifically named as Hummariaus GeneralusMotorius. I think that’s what I call the Dinosaur of all cars

  • eshda3wa

    loooooooool
    i totally love the way this post was written
    very enjoyable :)

  • eshda3wa

    loooooooooli totally love the way this post was writtenvery enjoyable :)

  • Steven Novak

    I shot my first landcruiser when I was seventeen. It’s hanging on the wall in my living room above the fireplace.

    Steve~

  • Steven Novak

    I shot my first landcruiser when I was seventeen. It’s hanging on the wall in my living room above the fireplace. Steve~

  • KJ

    Kinan – yes I know. I hate them.

    Hamza – The Hummer is something else :P here in the UAE it is more of a luxury and showoff rather than being a raditional LC

    Eshda3wa – hehehe… glad you liked!

    Steve – You’re evil dude. You’re so being voodooed now by the Gulf people

  • KJ

    Kinan – yes I know. I hate them.Hamza – The Hummer is something else :P here in the UAE it is more of a luxury and showoff rather than being a raditional LCEshda3wa – hehehe… glad you liked!Steve – You’re evil dude. You’re so being voodooed now by the Gulf people

  • ziad

    Hey man .. very nice one … and don’t tell me about them .. the suitable word for most of Land Cruiser drivers is uncivilized …
    any way, i recently faced this situation, and because i refused to give up my advantage in the road … a very cute Land Cruiser gave my car a kiss on her mouth .. thank god it is not French kiss, but it costed 1500 Riyals plus 5 days of begging a lift … but the good thing now that my new nick name here is: Land Cruiser Crusher … ;)

  • ziad

    Hey man .. very nice one … and don’t tell me about them .. the suitable word for most of Land Cruiser drivers is uncivilized …any way, i recently faced this situation, and because i refused to give up my advantage in the road … a very cute Land Cruiser gave my car a kiss on her mouth .. thank god it is not French kiss, but it costed 1500 Riyals plus 5 days of begging a lift … but the good thing now that my new nick name here is: Land Cruiser Crusher … ;)

  • ReD Lady™

    lool .. i like it ..
    i enjoy reading your post ;)

  • ReD Lady™

    lool .. i like it .. i enjoy reading your post ;)

  • Elijah

    But didn’t you say u had a Pajero?

    That should be a good rival for the Land Cruiser, right? :/

  • Elijah

    But didn’t you say u had a Pajero?That should be a good rival for the Land Cruiser, right? :/

  • Gardenia

    wallahi I tried to read your post so many times…I just can’t focus when it comes to cars..
    :(

  • Gardenia

    wallahi I tried to read your post so many times…I just can’t focus when it comes to cars..:(

  • Sene

    Vehicles, vehicles!! Men are so on cars, LOL.

    But liked the way the post was written… It was good. Nice blog, too!!

  • Sene

    Vehicles, vehicles!! Men are so on cars, LOL.But liked the way the post was written… It was good. Nice blog, too!!

  • moryarti

    I had the chance to drive a friend’s Land Cruiser.. Mind you I am quite a chilled out driver.

    But the minute I was behind the wheel, a burst of energy descended on me. Suddenly – i had the sudden urge desire to ram/tailgate/flash/highway-bully anything that stands in my way… smaller cars, taxis, cyclists, stray dogs, The Energizer bunny, David Hasselhoff…. Everything went dark …. I found my self on an island mumbling the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42.. those voices in my head!

  • moryarti

    I had the chance to drive a friend’s Land Cruiser.. Mind you I am quite a chilled out driver. But the minute I was behind the wheel, a burst of energy descended on me. Suddenly – i had the sudden urge desire to ram/tailgate/flash/highway-bully anything that stands in my way… smaller cars, taxis, cyclists, stray dogs, The Energizer bunny, David Hasselhoff…. Everything went dark …. I found my self on an island mumbling the numbers 4 8 15 16 23 42.. those voices in my head!

  • KJ

    red lady – thanks!

    Elijah – yeah I do have a Pajero.. and it IS a good rival! But I am a bad driver it seems :P

    Gardenia – I am sorry :(

    Sene – yes, it is a male thing. Sigh. Shoes :P

    Moryarti – you are evil! You have been brainwashed by the Cruise! *gasps*

  • KJ

    red lady – thanks!Elijah – yeah I do have a Pajero.. and it IS a good rival! But I am a bad driver it seems :PGardenia – I am sorry :(Sene – yes, it is a male thing. Sigh. Shoes :PMoryarti – you are evil! You have been brainwashed by the Cruise! *gasps*

  • supermaine

    Nice post. I personally like the Land Cruiser cause it’s made to handle various terrain. You can take it to rocky, sandy or muddy terrain. As long as you have a utility vehicle super swamper tire to go with it, you’re sure to have a good drive

  • supermaine

    Nice post. I personally like the Land Cruiser cause it’s made to handle various terrain. You can take it to rocky, sandy or muddy terrain. As long as you have a utility vehicle super swamper tire to go with it, you’re sure to have a good drive

  • KJ

    Hey supermaine, welcome to my blog :)

    The LC is a respectable car indeed but I find it a tad too bulky for my taste

  • KJ

    Hey supermaine, welcome to my blog :)The LC is a respectable car indeed but I find it a tad too bulky for my taste