Hardback or paperback?
Paper. They are easier to carry and burn later when required.
Amazon or brick and mortar?
Bricks of course. I don’t have a credit card (activated that is)
Barnes & Noble or Borders?
Don’t know what are those.
Bookmark or dog-ear?
I usually stop on a page divisible by 5. LoL.
Alphabetize by author, alphabetize by title or random?
Keep, throw away, or sell?
Keep unless burned.
Keep dust jacket or toss it?
I toss it later.
Read with dust jacket or remove it?
Depends on how sweaty I get.
Short story or novel?
Used to be novels but now I have a short attention span.
Collection (by same author) or anthology (by different authors)?
Harry Potter or Lemony Snicket?
Lord of the Rings.
Stop reading when tired or at chapter breaks?
‘It was a dark and stormy night’ or ‘Once upon a time’
Neither. I like it if it starts with an event. “And he tumbled down the stairs squirting blood all over the neighbor’s door”
Buy or Borrow?
New or used?
Buying choice: book reviews, recommendation or browse?
Title and last page.
Tidy ending or cliffhanger?
A tidy cliffhanger.
Morning reading, afternoon reading or nighttime reading?
Anytime I can afford.
Standalone or series?
Anyway, so our day in the mall would be spent in precisely the following manner. First and foremost we had to exit the bus first. I mean taking that for granted often led to catastrophic effects, like being squished between two incredibly smelly people who probably think a shower is too expensive to buy or just adopted a new lifestyle where they deprive themselves of all the universal pleasures so that they can feel for people in Africa. But then again they wouldn’t be coming to the shopping mall, right?
Upon success and entering the mall – specifically City Center Deira in Dubai – you are confronted with an obstacle course on a colossal scale. Of course everything in Dubai is colossal – they always aim for the “largest” and the “biggest” and think that we are just physically fit to walk a mall that is over 7 km in length – but this is not only colossal, it is dynamic. Yes, I am talking about maneuvering yourself between all the people to get to the cinema booth which is conveniently located at the firther end of the mall, on the second floor.
You meet all sorts of people while doing your slaloms. Most entertaining are the tourists who, for some incredibly odd reason, have it as a habit to just video tape all their moves in the mall so that their family back home can see what they did. Climbing escalators, driving the carts, even standing next to pillars and pointing to the ads on display. “We are in Dubai! Woo Hoo!”.
You also get, on occasion, an in-mall parade. I don’t know how they manage to do that, given the minimal space you have for walking (Dubai has a habit of short-sightedness, they always underestimate the population). You also get contests running in the central regions of the mall – usually the most spacious and most crowded – and you sometimes are forced to just wiggle through people, and have them rub their sweat, mucus, cigs and odors all over your brand new Zara shirt. Not the gay Zara ones mind you. Although on that train of thought, why has Zara Men turned Zara Gay? Anyway.
Certainly, the best contest to make in a mall is to reach from point A to B without bumping anyone.
But the most troublesome obstacle is a brand of human beings called Women. I don’t know what happens to women in shopping malls. For some mysterious reason, probably as a result from the shoe overdose and some mall-specific bacteria found in the air conditioning, woman adopt Sudden Parking Syndrome, where women, usually in groups, suddenly stop walking and resume again. There is absolutely no reason for the sudden parking. They don’t stop to look at items on display. They don’t stop to adjust the babies or themselves or tie their hair. They just stop, like a robot short circuiting, and walk again, like a robot that just restarted.
Honestly, women reading this help me out here: WHY DO YOU JUST STOP WALKING AND THEN WALK? The whole thing takes 2-5 seconds, but for us men or regular human beings (or women who are not undergoing SPS effects) who want to reach the movie booth before they run out of tickets, it is not only annoying, but it is gravity-defiantly stupid. In geek terms, women with SPS are like robots with Windows installed on them.
You women need a cerebral upgrade.
So here are 10 different ways to
- Watch Rachel Ray.
- Go to a store and ask for a refund.
- Listen to any Britney Spears song.
- Wait for Windows to start/reboot.
- Find a “site under maintainance” page.
- Have your car die at the top of a two-laned bridge.
- Anticipate a route to be free and find out it isn’t.
- Smash a bulbus abrainus.
- I am obsessed with symmetry.
- I have no problem of releasing my sexual frustration if there are people at the house. It is their problem and they chose to be there when I told them I want to stay at home alone.
- I am a kid, I don’t act like a kid. Live with it. And yes, I DO build sand castles when I am at the beach.
- I used to be a professional thief. I left that behind now (whatever)
- Most of my dreams came true in some form. I still didn’t sprout wings though as I did in one of the dreams.
- I don’t agree that Japanese are patient people, otherwise they would wait for their fish to cook.
- I have so much built up anger from years of being a push over and being abused that making me pissed off is like voluntarily offering yourself to Hannibal Lecter.
- If you are talking to me and I give you a blank face it simply means that I am doing really, really gruesome stuff to you in my head that Hannibal Lecter is the least of your worries.
- You can enslave me by threatening me with a cockroach
- Me and my best friend act like a married couple, with all the fights and the typical “you are not what you used to be” conversations taking place every once in a while.